


Second Chances

by jacndaniel



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 11:45:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/572908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacndaniel/pseuds/jacndaniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Married Edward falls in love with his sister's friend, Bella. When he finds out that his wife is dying, he is forced to let Bella go. 5yrs later, Bella returns for her brother's wedding. Will she get away again? Or will they get a Second Chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter of this story was originally written for a charity compilation. This one belongs to the Fandom 4 Tsunami relief compilation. Thank you to all who donated!

Can you place yourself in a moment's notice,

in my situation?

Increasingly you've made me cold and afraid,

a lonely companion.

Apparently love runs on one way courses,

away from contentment.

Or maybe there's anger that can't be expressed,

that fuels your resentment.

Nothing's good, nothing's right, but I love you.

_**Second Chances ~ Paper Route** _

" _What do you mean Tanya is sick? I thought we covered this already. You said you were done, you said you were ready to make this..." I indicate the space between us trying to hold back my tears. "...real. Make us real."_

" _Bella, she's dying. You want to me to leave her now when I know that she is dying?" He scrubs his hands over his face in frustration. "I'm not heartless. She's my wife for Christ's sake!"_

" _Do I want you to leave her now? No, Edward! I wanted you to leave her yesterday! Last week... last fucking year!" The drink in my hand hits the wall above his head. He ducks and then runs at me, tackling me onto the bed._

_His hands cradle my face. "Baby, please calm down. You have to understand why I can't walk away now. You do understand, don't you? You can't blame me for not wanting to leave now." Tears make their way down his face and mix with mine as they fall onto my cheeks._

" _And you have to understand why I have to walk away from you now." I say as a sob rips through my chest. The pain is almost unbearable as I feel the weight of my statement press down on me. I move out from under him and collect my bags that sit on the floor._

_Edward calls out to me as I reach the door._

" _Don't do this, Bella. Throwing it all away now would be ridiculous."_

_I turn to him with my hand still on the door knob._

" _Six years, Edward. I gave you six years, and I don't have anything else to give. You've taken it all, and you've given me nothing in return. Time's up, baby. Good bye."_

_Walking out the door of our hotel room is the hardest thing I've done in my entire life._

The intense memory of my last moments with Edward flood my mind as I head towards home for the first time in over five years. _Home. Could I even call it that anymore?_ I've been dreading this moment since I received the invitation in the mail eight months ago. I know I would never miss my brother Emmett's wedding, and I still hate him for bringing me back to this place. He knows it will kill me to see Edward again, and since Emmett is marrying Edward's sister I know that seeing him is inevitable. I'm terrified.

I pull into the driveway of my parent's house and I get choked up when I see my father's car parked there. I've been worrying about what this trip will make me feel. The only thing I know for sure is I have definitely missed my parents. I know that I kind of broke their hearts by staying away, but the alternative was unfathomable.

I step out of the car I rented at the airport in Seattle and stare up at my childhood home. I hear a throat clear and find my father looking down at me.

"It's been a long time, Bells. I didn't think you would actually show up." He smiles the smile that makes all of my troubles melt away. He's my daddy, and I'm safe here.

"Hey, Dad. Did you really think that I would miss my own brother's wedding? C'mon, what kind of girl do you take me for?" I smirk at him.

Charlie takes my bag from me and allows me to walk up the front steps in before him. I see the wind chime that I gave my mom for her birthday when I was thirteen and the pink rocking chair that my dad made for me when I was seven, still sitting on the porch. Somethings never change, but I have definitely changed. I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad.

When I walk into the house, I see that in fact there has been no change here at all. School and baby pictures of Emmett and I line the walls and the mantel. I see that the same brown shag carpeting that has been there since before I was born. I'm convinced that these things are what feed my need for constant change. I rotate my furniture twice a month and add art to my body whenever the mood strikes me. That actually started with Edward, but it certainly did not end with him.

My dad drops my bag at the bottom of the stairs and I sit down on the couch.

"So, Dad, where's Mom?"

"Oh, she reads to the kids at Forks Community on Tuesdays and Fridays. Dr. Cullen says that it's really good for the kids and she really likes it."

"Wow, that's great. How are Dr. and Mrs. Cullen doing these days?" I ask, hoping that it doesn't have anything to do with Edward.

"I don't know, Bells. Dr. Cullen is still at the hospital and Esme is busy planning Rose and Emmett's wedding. She's doing much better now, she took Tanya's death really hard a few years back." He sighs and looks at me. "Did you know she passed?"

"Um, no. I had heard that she was sick, but I didn't really keep in touch with anyone after I left. I didn't know she actually passed away."

"It doesn't seem right. You keeping yourself away from everyone for so long. Tanya was your best friend's sister. Didn't you send your condolences to Alice?" He asks, looking sincerely concerned.

"No, I didn't. Alice and I haven't been best friends in awhile. I haven't spoken to her in years, actually." Even as I say it I have a hard time believing that it's true.

Charlie puts his hand on my shoulder and pulls me so that I have no other choice but to face him. "So what are you doing here, Isabella?"

"I'm not really sure, Dad. I'm going to go to Em's wedding, smile for pictures, and then I'm going to get on a plane and go back to Phoenix. There's no place for me here anymore, and besides that I don't think anyone wants me here longer than necessary." I can't stop the tears that escape.

"There is always a place for you here, with me and your mother. And I want you here as long as you'd like to stay. Never doubt that, Bella."

"Thanks, Dad." I say dropping my head onto his shoulder.

_**~SC~** _

The next day is blur of activity. I have breakfast with my parents and then my mother drags me off to Port Angeles to get primped for the rehearsal dinner. I've been trimmed and blown dry, buffed and polished. I've even been waxed and exfoliated. I should feel beyond prepared for the night ahead, yet some how I still feel like something is missing. I look at my self in the mirror behind my bedroom door. I'm wearing Valentino and Louboutin thanks to the fashion girls at work. I've never taken full advantage of my position at the magazine, but for this occasion, I couldn't resist.

I know that Edward is going to be there, and I know that there will be questions. Hopefully, if I look my best, I'll be better equipped to deal with it. _Who the fuck am I kidding? I'll never be equipped for what is going to go down tonight._ I grab my clutch and stare at myself again. I let my mind wander to how different my life would be if Edward was waiting for me downstairs, how it would feel to arrive on his arm. I sigh and test out the smile I've been rehearsing all day. It still looks fake. Maybe no one will notice.

I climb into my rental and take a deep breath. I haven't been to Emmett and Rose's new place, so I'm not sure what to expect. When I get to the street I see there are so many cars and people walking along the sidewalk that leads to the party. Rose requested that all the guests dress in formal attire and from where I'm sitting in my car, everyone looks beautiful. I finally find a place to park and take a deep breath before I open the door and step out into the warm evening air. I make my way up the driveway and say a prayer that the next few hours don't kill me.

I walk through the open door and immediately know that this house belongs to my brother and Rosalie. The foyer has a huge portrait of the two of them holding one another and laughing. I step into what looks like a formal living room and see Emmett's football trophies and medals along with Rose's pageant trophies and crowns. She definitely has more awards than he does. That makes me giggle. I here a throat clear behind me and find the pageant queen herself standing behind me. She is as stunning as I remember her being. She is wearing a gorgeous white party dress that makes her legs look a mile long and of course a tiara on her head.

"God, Rosalie you look gorgeous." I stare at her and really don't know what to say.

"Well Jesus Fuck, Bella. I thought you were dead. Emmett is going to shit himself when he sees you." She takes the necessary steps towards me so that we can hug. "I missed you, little sis."

I still have my arms around Rose when I see my brother walk into the room. "Hey, Rosie. People are asking for you, baby. We gotta get out-" He stops mid word and his eyes go wide as Rosalie let's go of me. "Bella..." My name comes out as a whisper.

"Hey, Em. Your home is beautiful. Congratulations on all of this," I say, waving my arm, indicating the room that we are standing in.

Emmett steps towards me and Rosalie backs away but doesn't go to far. He looks like he is seeing a ghost. The color has drained from his face and he hasn't closed his mouth yet.

"Bella... what are you doing here? Where have you been? How did you know?" he asks all at once.

Rose giggles before she steps in. "I invited her, Emmett. Did you think that I was going to let her miss this? We've each only got one sibling, they both better damn well be at our wedding." she looks pointedly at me before she continues. "That reminds me, your dress for the ceremony is upstairs. Remind me to give it to you before you leave."

"My dress? I have a dress to wear to the wedding, Rose."

"I'm sure you have a dress, but you need _the_ dress." She chuckles "The one you will wear when you are my maid of honor. Like I said there are only two siblings, and we expect you and my brother to stand up on that alter with us."

I suddenly dawns on me that Rose is telling me, not asking, that I am _in the wedding_ not just attending the wedding. She is also telling me that I am to be paired up with Edward in the wedding. I can't imagine what my face looks like as I digest this information, but it must be something because Rosalie's next words come at me in a rush.

"Shit, I'm not going to force you, Bella. Alice can stand in for you, but I just know that it would mean a lot to Em and I if you stood up there with us," she says with a smile.

"Of course, Rose. I'd be honored."

We make our way out of the house, and what I see takes my breath away. Rosalie never does anything half way, and my brother can't deny her anything. The result of that is that every white flower in the Pacific Northwest is in their back yard. There are thousands of little lights and a massive white tent set up for the festivities. It is beautiful.

"We have to speak with the minister, Bella, so we can get an idea of what to expect," Emmett says as I walk with them to the entrance of the tent.

I look toward the front of the tent and my world stops spinning. Edward stands with the minister and the sight of him causes me to stop walking. I am acutely aware that none of our family knows about the relationship that Edward and I shared. This thought forces me to try and collect myself before I reach him. When his eyes meet mine, I feel it. He smiles as he shakes Emmett's hand and kisses his sister's cheek.

Rosalie pushes me towards him. "Edward, you remember Bella, Emmett's little sister," she says and I cringe.

"Of course, it's been a long time, Bella. You look lovely," he says as he leans in and kisses my cheek. I feel the spark when his skin touches mine, and I have to fight to keep my reaction neutral.

"It has been a long time, Edward. You look well. I'm sorry to hear about Tanya." I look in his eyes as I speak, and I watch as he becomes uncomfortable under my gaze. _1 point for Bella._

"Thank you." It was all he said to me before turning to Rosalie. "So, what do you need me to do?"

I listen as well as I can to everything that the minister says to the four of us, while simultaneously watching every single move that Edward makes. I notice that he doesn't look at me at all. In fact, he didn't even _try_ to look at me. I start to wonder if he is making an effort or if he just genuinely doesn't want to look at me. In all the years that I have been away, it never dawns on me that he would be upset that I left him. _I always assumed that he was sorry for putting me through everything that he had, and that he'd eventually apologize._ Now that he is standing in front of me, it seems as though our past is of no consequence to him.

"... then Bella will walk down to meet Edward at the end of the aisle, Edward will help her up the stairs. The two of them take their places and then turn to wait for Rosalie to make her appearance." I have no idea what the first part of the speech is about. All I heard is that I am walking down the aisle to Edward. _Great._

After the four of us enter the tent and greet the members of our combined families that have gathered there, the minister walks us through the ceremony. It is strange to see my brother the way that everyone else sees him. He has always just been my big, goofy, crazy Em. Now he is going to be someone's husband. I'm suddenly aware of how much I have missed. Standing behind Rose, I have a perfect view of Emmett's face. The way he's looking at her makes my heart ache, and all I can think is _I want someone to look at me that way someday._ I catch a glimpse of Edward behind Em, and I see that he is looking at me like that. His eye's are bright and happy, and I don't get it at all.

We sit at a long table to have dinner with our parent's, and I am dreading the conversation. I don't want to talk about my life, and I don't want to hear about anyone else's life. _Wow, I suck._ I really don't want to hear about Edward's life. Maybe he's happy and has moved on. _Yeah, I definitely don't want to hear about it._

I have no idea what I'm eating, all I know is that I want to get out of here as soon as possible. I excuse my self and head inside to find the restroom. The house is huge and I actually get lost before I find it. I lean back against the door after I shut it. _How the hell did I get here?_ I make my way to the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. I look the same as I always do, how I feel is another issue all together. I want to run out of this room, down the stairs, straight to the airport, and back to my bed. _Get your shit together, Bella. Don't let him see that he broke you._

I open the door and find Edward leaning against the wall facing me. I move to walk passed him, but he blocks my path. He puts his hands on my hips and walks me backwards. He shuts the door with his foot. I hate that my body instantly responds to him. My breaths and heartbeat quicken to match his. His finger tips burn straight through my dress. _Valentino can't even protect me from him._

"Were you even going to try to talk to me tonight, Bella?" he whispers into my ear.

My entire body shakes, and I start to doubt my ability to speak but finally manage one word. "No."

"Why not? What are you trying to prove? It's not like I'm going to stand up and announce that I once spent six years learning every inch of your body. Or that I fucked up so bad that you walked away from me and I never heard from you again. That I have no idea where you've been or what you've been doing." He places a finger under my chin and uses it to make me look in his eyes. "We're adults, can't we be friendly or at least civil with each other? We are about to be family, after all. My sister is going to be a Swan." He chuckles mischievously.

"You're not allowed to talk to me like this anymore. You chose your path, Edward. The path you chose was the one that lead you away from me. We will be family, and we will have to see each other on the occasional holiday, maybe at birthday parties. For now though, I'm choosing to pretend like you and I never happened. Like I don't know anything about you, other than the fact that you are Rose's older brother. It's easier that way." I push him away from me and try to walk away from him. His voice stops me.

"For who? Who is it easier for?" He sounds defeated and moves closer to me. I can feel the heat from his body on my back. His forehead rests against the top of my head.

I feel my body relax and press back into his. I sigh as his lips touch my hair. "For me. It's easier for me, Edward. Someone has to look out for my best interests, and you have proven time and time again that that someone won't be you." I leave him in the bathroom and make my way back to the party.

I find Rosalie in the kitchen and decide it's time for me to leave. "Hey, Rose? I think I'm going to head out. I'm really tired, and I know I need to be at my best tomorrow."

"Of course! No problem, let me just go get you your dress. Do you want to try it on before you go?" she asks as we make our way up the stairs.

She leads me into what I assume is a spare bedroom where there are two garment bags laid across the bed. She unzips one of them and pulls the dress from inside. It is beautiful. Simple and yet subtle details make it extraordinary. At first glance it is red, but the longer I stare at it, it becomes clear that it is definitely more of a raspberry color. It occurs to me that this is not at all what I expect it to be.

"Rose, it's beautiful but totally unexpected," I say as I take the hanger from her hand.

"Let me show you mine, and then maybe you will understand." Rosalie moves to open the other garment bag and pulls out a beautiful ivory dress. It matches the Grecian, drape style of the one I am to wear, though hers is ankle length where mine is short. "Do you get it now?" she asks.

"I get it, and it's stunning. I can't wait to wear it!" I pull her into a tight hug. "I missed you, Rosalie."

"I'm glad you're home, little sis," she whispers as she holds me tight.

_**~SC~** _

Once I get home and get out of my fancy clothes, I lie in my childhood bed and all I can think of is Edward. Somethings never change.

_Seeing him standing against the wall when I walked out of the bathroom was like taking a step back in time. I wanted to reach out and touch him, drop to my knees and taste him. I imagined him lifting me onto the bathroom sink or taking me in the shower like he had so many times before. It took every ounce of my restraint to not jump on him right there in the hallway._

Let's face it, Edward is sexy as hell, and he always has that affect on me. All it takes is a smile and all of my common sense leaves me.

I roll over and scream into my pillow. Once I calm down, I hear a noise coming from outside of my window. I immediately know what it is. _Edward._ I sit up and I can clearly see him sitting in the tree outside, poking at my window with his umbrella. _What the fuck._ I sit and stare at him while he stares at me. It's strange, like really strange. _I used to dream that he was there in that tree waiting for me, smiling at me. In the dream I could never get the window open, and eventually I would just wake up._ I stand and walk towards him, slowly. When I reach the window, my hand lifts of it's own accord and my palm presses flat against the cold glass. The smile that lights his face brings tears to my eyes, and when he sees me bat those tears away, his smile falls. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out what looks like a piece of white paper. He unfolds it and holds it up so that I can read it. When I do, the tears start again.

"YOU ARE MY DREAM, BELLA. PLEASE."

I reach for the latch and push the glass that separates us away. "Please what, Edward?" I ask, moving back so he can climb in.

"Please let me talk to you. Please let me touch you. Please tell me that you're okay. Please let me love you. Please love me back." He takes a deep breath and lets himself slide down the wall until he is sitting on the carpet under the window. His head falls back with a thud and he looks up at me. "Please, Bella, don't walk away from me again. I won't be able to take it. Please."

I kneel in front of him and place my hands on his knees for support. I try to control my breathing and collect my thoughts before I speak, but it's no use. I can't concentrate on anything other than the way he feels under my fingers and the way he smells like home. I want to tell him to leave and to never come back. I want to hit him until he hurts like I have hurt for the past five years. None of that matters, though, because I also want to hold him until he doesn't look lost anymore. I want to kiss the tears that are running down his cheeks. I want him to be my Edward again.

I reach out to pull his hands away from his face and place them on my hips. He pulls me forward until I'm straddling his lap. His hands ghost up my sides and eventually cradle my face.

"I never stopped loving you, Bella. Not one single day went by without you in my heart. I have missed you so fucking much," he says before his lips crash in to mine. The kiss is hard and hungry, the exact opposite of his voice. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, before nipping at my chin and my neck. Finally his head comes to rest on my shoulder, and I can feel his shuddering breath against my skin.

"Your parents are sleeping at Emmett and Rose's. So are mine. The grown ups all drank too much." He chuckles and my insides melt. "Rose was making up the guest rooms when I left. I offered to bring them home, but our mothers were giggling about having a slumber party."

"So it's just us, then?" I ask, running my fingers through his hair.

"Looks like it," he says, kissing my collarbone.

"Stay here with me, Edward. Love me tonight. Give me a proper send off...the way we should have said good bye all those years ago," I whisper but the venom comes across loud and clear.

His arms tighten around me and he pulls me impossibly closer. "I told you I can't do it, Bella. I can't handle letting you go again. Please, baby..."

I swallow his words when I capture his lips with mine. He tries to stand and my legs lock around his waist. He only makes it up onto his knees before laying me down on the carpet beneath us.

I feel his mouth on my throat before I hear his voice. "I refuse to go into this thinking that it is the last time. I can't believe that this is it for us."

"Believe what you need to believe to get you through the night, Edward. I refuse to fool myself anymore. It is what it is, and I'm not saying that it's wrong. Maybe we just aren't meant to be. Love obviously isn't always enough. I loved you with my entire being and that still wasn't enough for you. You let me leave and it was really fucking easy for me to close that door." I try to sound strong and convincing. I try to make my words sting. From the look on Edward's face, I think that it's working.

He sits back on his heels and looks down at me. "Why are you being like this, Bella? Do you hate me this much?"

"I don't hate you, Edward. Stop being so damn dramatic. Did you honestly think that we were just going to pick up where we left off five years ago? Tanya's dead, so everything will be fine this time? Well guess what, it's not fine. I'm not fine. You broke my heart, and I'm not here to forgive you." A sob rips through my chest and the look on his face goes from hurt to anger. I know that I am hurting him, but this time I am determined to hurt him before he hurts me.

Suddenly I'm being lifted off of the ground and laid down on my bed. Edward removes his clothes before he gently begins removing mine. He kisses every part of my body that is revealed to him, and I feel his tears as they fall on my skin. My hands ache to touch him, but instead I cover my face when the sight of him becomes overwhelming.

Edward lifts my leg and places soft kisses on my ankle and the inside of my knee. His lips are soft, and I wonder how many others have enjoyed them since I left. When his tongue finds my center all those thoughts are forgotten. This is my Edward, the Edward that knows how to make my body sing for him, the Edward that I crave.

My feet move to his shoulders, and I use his hair to pull him closer. His tongue is working me into a frenzy, and I can't keep quiet anymore. The moans that fall from my lips are almost embarrassing.

"Edward... come here, baby. I need you inside of me." I pull at his shoulders, but he doesn't budge.

"I don't think so, Bella. If this is the last time I'm going to be with you like this, I need it to be just as amazing as I remember. I want you to cum on my tongue and on my fingers before I let you cum on my dick. Let go, Beautiful...give it all to me," he says, looking up at me through his impossibly long lashes.

Before the words leave his mouth, I feel the burning low in my belly and as much as I don't want him to know he still has that effect on my body, I know I won't be able to hold back for long. I feel his shoulders shift and his fingers enter me slowly. He knows where I need him and he knows exactly what to do.

"I know you're holding back, baby. I can feel you. I know your body better than I know my own," he says, adjusting his position so that he can hold me still. His tongue works faster, and his fingers curl up to hit the spot that will surely send me over the edge. Before I can try to stop it, I cum. Hard. My body seizes and my heart feels like it explodes. I scream, calling on God and Edward and all the stars in heaven. The noise that comes from Edward is almost a growl. It's loud and animalistic. _This is my Edward._

Edward's fingers dig into my hips and he pulls me down the bed, until my thighs rest over his. His lips crash into mine, and I can taste myself on his lips. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me on to his lap. I lift myself up just long enough for him to slide into me, and I gasp as he fills me.

He is everywhere; I can feel him, taste him, smell him. I roll my hips against him and smile as he moans. For some reason knowing that I still have this effect on him makes me want to torture him. I move so slowly over him, savoring every breath. My hands touch him everywhere I can reach. I use his hair to pull his head back, so I can have better access to his throat. He cries out, when I suck hard enough to mark him. I feel the moment he can't take it anymore. Edward squeezes me to his chest. My legs lock behind him as he falls on top of me again.

"Do you remember me, Edward? Can you feel me?" I say as I scratch my nails up his back

"Yes, Bella... God... yes." His voice is raspy and deep. He leans forward and sucks my nipple into his mouth.

"So good... Bella... I missed you so much." He pushes my knee toward my chest and slides in even deeper. I grab his shoulders and hold on tightly as his thrusts become more forceful. "How can you not want this? How can you not miss this? How can you think of anything else but the way it feels when I am inside of you like this?" His jaw flexes as he speaks.

The bed starts to shake and the headboard hits the wall. I can barely differentiate between the noise that it makes and the beating of my heart.

Edward assaults my aching nipples, twisting and nibbling on them until I scream.

"Fuck, Edward!" I bite down on his shoulder, and I see stars as my orgasm pulls me under again.

I can feel him twitch inside of me as my muscles pull him in deeper into me. Edward reaches up and grabs on to my headboard, using the leverage as his breathing and movements become erratic. I know that he is close. I kiss the place that I bit, licking and sucking the tender flesh at the juncture of his neck and his shoulder. I make my way closer to his ear so that I can talk to him, because I know how much he likes that shit.

"Edward... cum for me, baby... give me you," I whisper against his wet skin.

Edward shouts my name and a string of incoherent profanities. He holds me tightly kisses me hard before he drops his full body weight down onto me. I feel his breath fan out across my neck and for just one moment, I forget that five years have passed and if only for this moment, I am his.

"This doesn't change anything," I say into the darkness as I feel Edward's strong arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him. so that my back rests against his chest.

"Shhh... sleep now, my Bella." he kisses my temple as sleep takes me.

I wonder if you'd miss me

When I'm gone

It's come to this, release me

I'll leave before the dawn

But for tonight

I'll stay here with you

Yes, for tonight

I'll lay here with you

_**What If You ~ Josh Radin** _

_**~SC~** _

I wake up and immediately know that I am alone in my bed. I roll over and I can still smell Edward but the sheets are cold. There is a note on my pillow and it makes me smile when I see it there. I open the folded sheet of paper and see Edward's unmistakable scrawl.

_Isabella,_

_I thought that I should leave early in case Emmett brings your parents home. I just need to tell you that last night was more than I could have ever hoped for. I know you said it was good-bye, but I love you and I will never stop fighting for your forgiveness as well as your heart. I look forward to having you on my arm this evening._

_All My Love,_

_Edward_

I'm relieved that I'm not going to have to face Edward across the breakfast table, and I dread seeing him later at the Cullens' house. I try to relax and not think of the activities of the last twelve hours. I want to be able to enjoy my brother's wedding. He deserves for me to be present in the moment with him, and I fully intend to be. I am sitting at the table when my family walks through the front door.

"Hey, Bells! How's it going, baby sis? I brought the two drunks home," Emmett says as he sits down at the table next to me.

"I'm good, Em. You ready for your big day?"

"Of course I am. I have been waiting for this day for a long ass time. I'm going to make my girl my wife and live happily fucking ever after!" he shouts, picking me up out of my seat and spinning me around.

I squeal and hug my brother tight. "Put me down, Emmett! I'm trying to eat!" I try to sound angry, but my laughter gives me away. "I missed you so much, Em." I kiss hiss his cheek.

"I missed you, too," he answers, setting me back down in my chair. "Are you about ready to head over for hair and make-up, whatever other girly shit that Rosie has planned? Do you want to ride with me?"

"Sure. I'm almost ready. Give me a minute to grab my stuff."

I put my dishes in the dishwasher and go upstairs to get my purse. I also grab a small bag that contains my undergarments and a change of clothes. I run down the stairs and hear Emmett's car horn. _Even on his wedding day he is acting like a child._

The ride with Emmett is filled with his loud rap music. He dances in his seat, and I roll down my window and dance along with him. This makes him laugh and turn the music up even louder. After Emmett turns off the ignition he turns to face me and playful Emmett is gone. "I was really surprised to see you yesterday, Bells. I'm glad you're here, and I hope that you don't stay away for so long again. Is everything okay with you? I mean, is there a reason you were gone for so long?" he asks, concern clear on his face.

"I'm fine, Em. I had a hard few years, but I'm good now. I needed to get away from here and find my place in the world. I think I finally have, but I'm glad to be home. I wouldn't have missed this for anything," I say, lying my head on his shoulder.

"I'm happy that you're happy. Now get in that house and let my girl torture you!" He chuckles and kisses the top of my head.

As I walk into the house, I am flooded with memories of the last time that I was here. I remember walking into Rose's bedroom, and finding Alice looking at my phone.

_She read an incoming text message expecting it to be directions to a party we were heading to. Instead it was from Edward. And it wasn't rated PG. Thank God Rosalie was in the shower. She never told anyone my secret, and that almost made it worse. I could trust her with anything, but she would never trust me again. That was the last time I was here, and the last time that I saw Alice._

I'm sure she's going to be here today, and I'm not sure what to expect from her so it scares the shit out of me.

The house is bustling with activity when I walk through the door. I hear music playing and people carrying flowers outside. There is a breakfast buffet set up, and I see Esme standing at the top of the stairs calling out orders. She smiles when she sees me.

"Isabella! You're here! Come on upstairs, the girls are up here," she shouts, waving her arms.

I'm almost positive that by "the girls" she means Rosalie and Alice. As I make my way up, my stomach starts to churn, and I start to sweat. When I step into Rose's room, I find Rosalie in front of a vanity being fussed over by what looks like a hairdresser and a make up artist. There is an empty vanity to the left of her. Alice sits on top of the bed watching the progress. I can't imagine it taking much to make Rosalie ready for her big day. She is stunning in a ponytail and make up free.

"Bella!" Rosalie squeals as soon as she sees me.

"Hey, Rose," I say, and I can't help but smile at her. Alice stands up and walks towards me slowly. _Fuck._ I can see the tears in her eyes just before she throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tight.

"I've missed you so much, Bella," she whispers. "I hope you've been okay."

I pat her back and try to find my voice. "I have been fine, Ali," I manage to say before she lets go of me.

"I hate to break up the love fest but, Bella, you need to sit your ass down and let these ladies work their magic on that mess you call hair!" Rose says from her throne.

After what feels like forever, I am dressed and a photographer is taking pictures of Esme, Alice, and me as we help Rosalie get into her dress. She looks more beautiful than I even imagined.

"My brother is a lucky man, Rose. You look stunning," I comment as I fasten the dainty pearl bracelet that was my Grandma Swan's on to her wrist.

"I'm the lucky one, Bells. I get him and you." She kisses my cheek, and I see another flash of the camera. I look up to see Carlisle smiling at us.

"It's time, baby," he says to Rosalie as she makes her way to him.

I look around and notice that Alice is already gone. "I guess I'll see you out there, Rose," I say as I leave them to their moment alone.

I get to the french doors that will lead me out to the patio, just in time to see my parents walk down the aisle, followed by Esme and Edward. Suddenly I remember that I will be making the journey to the alter alone. _Seems fitting_.

Edward makes his way to his place at the bottom of the few stairs in front of the alter, then he turns to wait for me. The smile that lights his face when he looks at me is unnerving. _What the hell was he looking at me like that for?_ Once I am standing next to him, he offers me his arm. I consider not taking it, but I decide that denying his gesture would make people curious.

I walk arm in arm with Edward to my designated place on the alter. He surprises me by taking my hand from the crook of his elbow and placing a kiss on my knuckles. I feel my face warm with my blush as the guests let out a collective sigh. I look around and find all eyes on me. Edward chooses this moment to turn and walk to the other side of the platform. Once he is in his place he winks at me. _Fucking winks the jack ass._

All of my annoyance leaves me when I see my brother walking towards me. He stops in the front row and kisses my mother. She's already a mess. Emmett and Charlie do the manly back slapping hug before Dad puts his arm around Mom and kisses her hair. I smile at my brother, when his eyes meet mine, after he takes his place on the alter. I hope that it is comforting because he looks so nervous. The traditional wedding march begins to play and all of the guests stand to honor the bride. Rosalie and Carlisle come into view, the picture of perfection. Her smile is radiant and the tears in Carlisle's eyes shine brightly. I look back at Emmett and I can tell that he is holding himself back from running to her. He looks so happy and it makes me giggle. Edward pats Emmett on the back and winks at me. _Again with the fucking winking._

The ceremony is beautiful. Rosalie and Emmett opt to write their own vows, hers making me laugh and his making me cry. _I had been away so long that I missed the part when my brother turned into a man_. It is nice to see that he is so happy and that he makes Rose so happy. As I sit at the head table watching their first dance as man and wife, I can feel Edward's eyes on me. I know that he is willing me to look his way. His heart calls to me and it is unbelievable that after all of this time, he still has this effect on me. My thoughts are interrupted by the DJ.

"At this time the bride and groom would like to invite the wedding party to join them on the dance floor. Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan, this song is for you." The opening notes of Adele's _Make You Feel My Love_ start to play. Edward stands and walks towards me with an outstretched hand.

"May I have this dance, Isabella," he asks, flashing me the smirk that makes my insides melt.

I take his hand and push my chair back before I stand. "Of course, Edward."

We make our way to the middle of the dance floor and wrap our arms around each other. My body recognizes him instantly, and I have to stop myself from clinging to him. Edward smiles down at me as he leads me around the floor. Our joined hands rest over his heart, and I can feel it beating as fast as my own.

It is in this moment that I know I can't be here any longer. If I stay I will definitely get sucked back into my Edward bubble. I can't let that happen. I've worked way to hard to pull myself out of it. I turn my face and see my parents and the Cullen's smiling at us. Esme and Renee are holding hands and wiping tears away. When I turn the other way, I see Emmett and Rosalie singing to each other and lost in their own little world.

As the song progresses Edward holds me a little tighter. "I miss you in my life, Bella." I hear him whisper. "I know that you don't want to talk about it, but I wish you'd consider trying to get back to where we once were."

"That can't happen, Edward," I say, venom lacing my tone. "Tanya is gone. It would be impossible for us to commit adultery now. I'm leaving tonight. It will be as if I never existed. I promise."

When I look up at Edward I can see that my words have upset him and it gives me some kind of sick satisfaction. I can't let him see I am hurting too. I won't show him I still love him. He doesn't deserve it, not anymore. The song ends and Edward kisses my cheek, thanking me for the dance. Emmett and Rosalie hug us both fiercely before the four of us return to the head table.

Toasts are made and cake is cut. I dance with my Dad as well as Dr. Cullen and Emmett. The party is wonderful. I'm so happy for my brother and new sister. It makes me sad that I'm not going to be around as they build their life together. I think of them hosting their first holidays together and announcing that they are expecting. I feel hot tears slide down my cheeks as Edward gives his toast. I get out of giving one because I didn't know I was maid of honor until yesterday. Instead, Alice gives her blessing to her best friend and my brother.

Soon I decide that my time in Forks will come to an end. I'm supposed to stay until tomorrow night, but I know I won't survive that long. I stand and make my way to where my parents are sitting. As I approach them my Dad's face falls. He knows.

"Daddy? Mom? I gotta get going," I say as I sit in the chair across from them.

"Okay, baby. We'll see you in the morning. You look beautiful today, sweetie," my mom says, reaching for my hand. My dad takes her hand and holds it between his.

"No, Momma. I mean I've gotta get out of Forks. I'm gonna head to the airport tonight." I can't bare to look at her, so I stare at the table.

"But, Isabella, you said you weren't leaving until tomorrow. I want to spend some time with you. It's been so long since you've been home." My mom is getting upset and it's breaking my heart to watch. I look at my dad for some assistance.

"Renee, calm down. Isabella is a grown woman. She has her own life now, and it isn't in Forks, honey. If she says that she has to get home, than she has to get home." Charlie smiles at me and hugs Renee to his chest.

"I just miss you so much, Bella. This visit was to short. Don't leave without saying goodbye to Emmett and the Cullen's. Also you have to promise me that you will be back to see us again soon. Please don't stay away so long," she says as she stands up to hug me.

Charlie stands to hug me as well, and before I know it Emmett is coming over to see what is going on. "Hey, family! What's with all the hugging?" He smiles at us. My parents both look over at me and wait for me to explain. Emmett figures it out before I can even come up with the words. "Aww, Bells! You're leaving already? Why so soon, baby sis?" he whines at me.

"Oh you know me, Em. I can't stick around this place for too long. I need to get back to my job and my life. But I was just about to promise Mom that I'd be back soon. It's daddy's birthday pretty soon, and I'm going to be home for a week then. Scout's honor," I say holding up some random number of fingers in a crazy salute. They all laugh and then throw their arms around me.

I make my rounds with the guests, saying goodbye and telling everyone it was nice to see them. I shed a few tears when I get to Rosalie. "Take care of my brother, Rose. You're a Swan now, it's what we do," I whisper in her ear and she squeezes me tight.

"I will, Bella. Take care of yourself, baby sis. Don't stay away so long, he misses you." She kisses my cheek.

As I turn to leave the party, my eyes meet Edward's. I give him a small wave and a smile. His face is blank as he waves back at me. I can see that he is panicking, and I'm glad that I only have to see it for a second before I am out of the tent.

I'm happy that I packed last night, and I can get in and out of my parents house quickly. I lock the door behind me and walk out to my rental only to find Edward standing against it. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye again, Bella?" He smiles sadly at me.

"I waved to you in the tent. In case you were unaware, that was goodbye," I say as I unlock the back door and throw my bags in the car.

"That's not good enough, damn it! Why are you being so stubborn?" He is shouting now, and I just want to get away from him.

"It is good enough, Edward. I don't owe you anything. You made your choice, now I'm making mine. I'm going back to my life, the life that i made for myself, the life that doesn't involve you," I shout back at him. I move to open the driver's door but Edward holds it closed. His chest is against my back, and I can feel his breath blow into my hair.

"Just let me go, Edward. Please. Just let me go," I whisper, bringing his arm around my waist and holding him to me.

"I don't know how, Bella," he says and I can hear the sorrow that his words carry. I know that he means it, because I don't know how to either.

I face him and cradle his face in my hands as my lips meet his. I don't move. I just stand there with my lips resting against his. Our tears mingle on my cheeks as we cry for what we know is lost. I pull away and lay my head on his chest. "Goodbye, Edward."

He opens my door for me, and I get inside before he closes it. I start the engine and try my best not to look at him. When I can't help it any longer, I turn to see his palm pressed against the window. I lift my hand and mimic what he is doing. I smile at him before I release the brake and pull away from the curb. I only look in the rear view mirror once as I sit at the stop sign on the end of our block. Edward is standing in the middle of the street facing me. I thank God I can't see the expression on his face. Defeat is apparent in the sagging of his shoulders. _Goodbye, Forks. Goodbye, Edward. Again._

You'll say

Don't fear your dreams

It's easier than it seems

You'll say you'd never

Let me fall from hopes so high

But never is a promise

And you can't afford to lie

You'll say you understand

You'll never understand

I'll say I'll never wake up

Knowing how or why

I don't know what

To believe in

You won't know who I am

You'll say I need appeasing

When I start to cry

But never is a promise

And I'll never need a lie

_**Never is a Promise ~ Fiona Apple** _


	2. Dreaming With a Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally written for the Fandom for Sexual Assault Awareness compilation. Beta'd by Maxipoo1024. Banner by Jamie Arkin.

__

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart_

_The giving up is the hardest part_

_She takes you in with your crying eyes_

_Then all at once you have to say goodbye_

_Wondering could you stay, my love?_

_Will you wake up by my side?_

_No she can't, 'cause she's gone_

  
_**Dreaming With a Broken Heart** _ _**John Mayer** _  


**BPOV**

Driving away from Forks and Edward was therapeutic. I know with out a doubt that I have done the right thing. Did I want to stay and listen to him? Yes, of course I did. I wanted him to explain everything that has happened and to make everything okay; I'm only human after all. I loved him more than myself at one time in my life but not anymore. I have spent years learning to love me and making myself my top priority. It hasn't been easy, but it is necessary. This new found love of self is actually how I found myself in my doctor's office, three months after returning to Phoenix. I would have never taken time off from work before, and yet here I sit on top of an exam table.

The eighty hour work weeks I pull have finally taken their toll. I've been exhausted and had to take the day off today. I spend the majority of the morning with my head in the toilet before I decide to call the doctor. I am actually a little scared, because I don't get sick often. When I arrive in the office, the nurse buzzes around me, taking my blood and making me pee in a cup. _All of this for the flu?_ When I question her she simply says that it is normal procedure.

After what feels like four or five days of waiting for a doctor to see me, a beautiful blond haired, blue eyed woman in a white coat swung the door open and smiles brightly at me. She introduces herself as Dr. Lauren Mallory before she makes an announcement that will change my life forever.

"Congratulations, Miss Swan. You're pregnant."

My heart is racing and I can hear the blood rushing through my veins. It flows through me like ice water. The room begins to spin, and I am almost positive that I will pass out.

"I... um... no. I can't be pregnant. I think it's a nasty flu. Did you get my test results?" I stammer and the look that crosses the doctors face morphs from concern to pity.

"Yes, Isabella. I got the results from both your blood and urine tests." She opens the folder that contains my chart. "You are perfectly healthy, but you are most definitely pregnant. We can do a quick ultra sound, so I can determine just how far along you are if you'd like," she says with a gentle smile.

I still don't know what to say. My body has gone numb while my mind is going a mile a minute. I finally decide that it's best to have all the facts that I'm going to need when I can think this through properly. "Yes, that would probably be best. Can you do it now?" I ask.

"Of course we can. Lay back on the table, and I'll go get the machine." Dr. Mallory leaves the room, and I clamber my way up on to the exam table. I lay back and try to make sense of what is going on. _What the fuck just happened._ On my way into the building this morning, _a baby_ wasn't even a thought on my mind.I came here thinking that I might get a B-12 shot or maybe some antibiotics for some sort of an infection.

The doctor returns, pushing a cart with what looks like a large computer screen on it. She drapes a sheet across my lap, tucking it into the waist of my pants. "Lift your shirt for me, Isabella. Just so I can see your entire abdomen, please."

I lift my shirt like she asks before I speak. "You can call me Bella. No one calls me Isabella except my parents."

"Okay, Bella, let's see if we can get a look at your baby."

 _Baby. My baby._ My eyes fill with tears as she squirts some kind of goo on to my tummy.

"Sorry, it's cold. Now just relax. This won't hurt at all." She smiles at me before turning to the computer and pushing some buttons. The screen flickers and she holds up something for me to see. "I'm going to rub this across your belly and hopefully we'll get a picture on the screen."

I nod and focus my attention on the screen. Suddenly a loud swishy noise fills the room. "That is your baby's heart beat, Bella. It's strong," Dr. Mallory says before I have a chance to ask. She is pushing more buttons and moving the wand slowly over my skin. "And there is your baby."

I sit up and rest on my elbows to get a better look. I'm confused by what I see on the monitor, but when I follow Dr. Mallory's finger to the middle of the screen, I'm able to make out the profile of the baby. Tears fall silently down my cheeks as I see my tiny child for the first time.

"You can see an arm here and there is the spine. We can also see legs and little feet." She smiles at me and takes a few screen shots I can take home. "Do you have any questions for me right now, Bella?"

"Um... how old is it? I mean how far along am I?" I ask, wiping my tears with the back of my hand.

"I'm sorry. I should have taken care of that first. Do you remember about when the first day of your last menstrual cycle was?"

Immediately, my hand moves to cover my mouth as I realize how late I actually am. "Oh, God! Doctor, it was probably three months ago or more. I've always been irregular, so it isn't unusual for me to skip months. I should have noticed three, though!" I feel myself becoming hysterical and I try to calm down.

"Well that actually seems about right. Your baby is a little over two inches from crown to rump. That tells us that you are about 12 weeks along, give or take a few days. You are moving into your second trimester, Bella. The nausea should come to an end soon, but you can expect other symptoms such as breast tenderness and stretch marks. You may also experience some leg cramps and some changes in your skin color," she says, wiping the goo off of me.

"Aw... the fun stuff," I say as I pull my shirt down and move the sheet from my lap.

"Yeah." She laughs. "The fun stuff. Keep in mind that all of these things are normal, but please feel free to call the office anytime. Myself or one of my nurses will be happy to help you with any concerns you may have."

I try to hold myself together because I know that I need to concentrate on what the doctor is saying. She sits in front of me and scribbles notes onto my chart before she holds out a small piece of paper for me to take.

"Here is the first picture of your baby. I know that you may have many more questions and concerns after this news has a chance to sink in, but is there anything you want to discuss right now?"

"Well, I haven't had any prenatal care. Is my baby okay? I mean is it healthy?" I ask as more tears fall. My head is swimming with questions, and yet I can't make myself ask any except about the health of my baby.

"Yes, Bella, everything that I see leads me to believe that your baby is perfectly healthy. I'm going to give you a prescription for some vitamins. Other than that get lots of rest and take good care of yourself. Your baby is counting on you." Dr. Mallory hands me the prescription before she stands. "Make an appointment for a month from now, and I'll see you then. Have a good day and congratulations again, Miss Swan."

I am shocked to discover that the first thought in my mind as soon as I can calm myself down a little, is of Edward. There is no doubt in my mind that this baby is the product of the little romp that I shared with him in my childhood room. _Only me. Well, and Edward._ I decide that I am going to wait to tell him until I can do it in person. This just doesn't seem like the kind of news that you deliver over the phone. The fact that I will be in Forks for Emmett's birthday, in about six weeks, seems like some sort of divine intervention. I should be able to collect myself and become knowledgeable enough about this pregnancy to answer his questions by then. At least I hope so.

Either way, I'm headed to Forks. I have to show up for Emmett's party, or I fear I will be disowned since I missed my dad's birthday last month. I promised them at the wedding that I would be there and I wasn't. I don't think my mother has forgiven me yet. I hate it when she's mad at me, but I have a feeling that my life changing news may soften her up a bit. She's dying for grand babies, right? _Sure. Little copper haired, green eyed grand babies. Shit, I'm scared._

_**~** **SC** **~**_

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart_

_The waking up is the hardest part_

_You roll outta bed and down on your knees_

_And for the moment you can hardly breathe_

_Wondering was she really here?_

_Is she standing in my room?_

_No she's not, 'cause she's gone._

_**Dreaming With a Broken Heart ~ John Mayer** _

**EPOV**

It's been one hundred and twenty one days since she left. One hundred and twenty one days since I watched her brake lights disappear into the night. It had taken me about an hour, standing alone in the middle of the street, before I believed that she wasn't coming back. I'm not going to lie, it felt like I was dying. I still have no idea where she is or how to get in touch with her. I can't exactly ask Rose for her information, so again I wait.

The days pass so slowly. I can finally go more than a few hours with out thinking about her. Believe me, I don't want to, but it's necessary for me to actually function. I have get up everyday, and deal with my patients. I go to the hospital everyday and help people. I can save other people's lives, but I can't save my own. The only person who can save me won't even talk to me. I know that she wants to hurt me. She had made that clear. Bella wants me to feel the pain that she felt. She wants me to be alone like she was. I wish that I could prove to her how much I hurt, and just how lonely I am.

Just as I'm finishing up my rounds for the night, my cell phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and see that my sister is calling.

"Hey, Rose what's up?"

"Hey yourself, big brother. I'm calling to invite you to dinner Saturday night."

"This Saturday? It's already Tuesday, Rose. What if I had plans?" I ask in mock offense.

"What do you have to do Saturday night, Edward? You never have anything to do. Ever." I can almost hear the smirk on her face.

"What's the occasion? I haven't come to dinner since the wedding." I chuckle.

"Well, it's Emmett's birthday. It's also the first family dinner that I'm hosting as a member of the Swan family, and they are all coming... Bella is even flying in. Mom and Dad are going to be there, will you please come?" Rose whines at me, but I can tell that she is being sarcastic. She knows that I can't deny her when she needs me.

"Of course I'll come. What time should I be there?" I ask with a sigh.

"Six. I'll see you at six on Saturday. I love you, Edward." I return the sentiment before we hang up the phone.

_Great. Dinner with the Swan's, including Bella. This ought to be fun._

I'm gathering my things so I can go home when my office intercom buzzes. "Dr. Cullen you have a call on line three. She says her name is Isabella Swan and that she is not a patient."

 _Bella?_ "Thank you, Mrs. Cope. I'll take the call, but then I'm going home for the night."

"I'll notify your service. Have a good night, Doctor."

"Same to you," I say before I push the button that will connect me to Bella.

I can't even begin to imagine what would have Bella calling me. Maybe she doesn't want me at Rose's dinner. Maybe she needs a ride from the airport. _Oh, who are you kidding, Cullen? You're the last person that she would call. Answer the damn phone!_

"Bella? Is everything okay?" I say by way of greeting as soon as my finger pushes the button.

"Hey. Yeah, I'm okay. How are you, Edward?" I hear her chuckle and relief washes over me.

"Good. That's good. What can I do for you, Bella?" I ask, still having no idea why she's called.

"Well, I was hoping that we could talk. Not over the phone, though. I'm going to be back in Forks this weekend if you can believe it. Can we maybe have coffee on Friday night?" She sounds uncertain, like I'd actually be able to deny her anything.

"Yes, of course. Coffee on Friday sounds great. Should I pick you up somewhere?" I'm clearly fishing for information.

"Actually, why don't you meet me at the diner around seven o'clock. Will that work for you?" She's all business and it's making me very curious as to what she wants to talk about.

"That should work just fine. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. Did you need anything else, love?" The endearment slips out before I can stop it, and I'm almost sorry that I said it. Almost.

"Um... no. That's all for now. I'll see you Friday, Edward," she says, her voice giving away nothing. This amazes me because Bella has never been able to conceal her feelings. Usually she's an open book.

"Oh, Bella?" I ask before she has a chance to hang up. "Should I be worried?"

"Huh, good question. I don't know how to answer that other than to say that I am a little bit worried. Does that help at all?" She fucking giggles.

"Great. That's not very reassuring. What ever it is, Bella, I'm sure it's not that bad. If it's a problem or something that you need my help with, consider it done. I'm here for you, anything you need. Always." I try to sound sincere because I mean every word that I say.

Bella is silent for so long that I think she hung up. "Bye, Edward," she whispers just before I hear the line go dead.

_What the hell could she possibly have to say to me that she has to say in person? Not that I'm less than thrilled at the idea of spending time with her again, I'm just really scared now._

I turn out the lights in my office and head home. I know that I won't be able to rest until I see her

again. Unfortunately for me, that is over forty eight hours away. To make matters worse, I have the rest of the week off from work, so I'll have nothing but time to think about my cryptic conversation with Bella. _Fantastic._

_**~SC~** _

_It's only half past the point of no return_

_The tip of the iceberg_

_The sun before the burn_

_The thunder before the lightning_

_The breath before the phrase_

_Have you ever felt this way?_

_**Glitter in the Air ~ Pink** _

**BPOV**

For some reason it takes me forever to pack for my trip to Forks. I will only be there for a week, but I feel like I've put everything that I own into my suitcase. _Because my damn clothes are so big. Who knew that at four and a half months pregnant my baby bump would decide to make an appearance?_ I actually love it. I love buying maternity clothes and shopping for baby things. The thought of decorating a nursery makes absolutely giddy. People are starting to notice, and I like being able to talk about my pregnancy. I feel a little guilty that Edward doesn't know yet, but that will change soon enough.

I'm nervous about what his reaction will be because I know how shocked I was. I've tried to prepare myself for anything, and I know that I have to give him as much time as he needs to process it all. It took me a good month to fully accept it and to have actual feelings of love for the baby. Now I'm truly excited at the idea of being a mother. It's the thought of sharing my news with my family and Edward that scares me. I want to be able to tell Edward first. I think that I owe him that, but in all honesty, my family's opinion is more important to me. I try to imagine the kind of reactions that I am going to get from my parents and my brother, but I have no idea what to expect. I do know that I can make my life work with out Edward, but I don't think that I can do it with out my family. Explaining how mine and Edward's child came to be, may be sort of hard because no one has any idea that we even know each other. I don't want people to think that my baby is the product of a simple one night stand, because the one thing Edward and I are not is simple. The problem is that I don't even know where to start.

The trip is fast and I sleep most of the way. When I'm not peeing, I'm sleeping. True story. As the plane lands, all I can think is that I'm going to be meeting with Edward in a few hours. An overwhelming sense of relief washes over me, and suddenly I can't wait for seven o'clock to roll around. I am finally going to spill my secret. The surprising thing is that It I _want_ tell him. I also want him to be happy about it. I want someone to celebrate with.

After I rent a car I start off for Forks. The scenery is familiar and calming. _Home._ I've made myself a reservation at the good old Forks Motel since no one knows I'm in town yet and just in case things don't go well with my parents. I stop to check in and freshen up before I head to the diner. I look tired and I don't think that I can do much to fix that. I don't have time for a nap, so I decide to take a quick shower instead. I dress comfortably in a floral dress and sandals. I pair it with a denim jacket since the evening could be chilly.

When I leave the motel I have about twenty minutes to get to the diner, and since that is plenty of time, I hope to be there early. It would be nice to be able to settle in and collect myself before Edward arrives. I pull into the parking lot and see that Edward's silver Tahoe is already there. _Damn._ I sit back and take a few deep breaths. I'm glad that the morning sickness has subsided in the last month, what's left of it actually happens in the morning, so I should be okay.

Through the window I see Edward sitting at a booth in the back. He looks just as nervous as I feel. His hands are wrapped a round a mug, but he has yet to bring it to his lips. I pull the door open and his eyes turn to watch me walk in. He scans my body, and I see the moment that he notices my tummy. His eyes widen and he kind of flops back into his seat. I smile at him as I reach the table.

"May I sit?" I ask.

"Of course, Isabella. Um... how... how are you?" he stammers.

"I'm really good. I guess you can see why I asked you to come speak to me. Or at least I think you can see it." I try not to giggle but I do anyway. I want him to know that it's okay, though I do understand why he is freaking out a little bit.

"Yes, I think I see. Are you pregnant, Bella?" He reaches for my hand and when I smile at him, he smiles back.

"I am, Edward. Nearly five months now. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to contact you, but I was trying to process everything. I wanted to be able to tell you in person. I know that those aren't very good excuses, but I do hope that you can forgive me. If it's any comfort, you haven't missed much. Just the vomiting, really, and that is actually a plus..."

"Bella, breathe," he says when my voice trails off. "I don't understand. Why would you wait so long to tell me? Almost five fucking months. I should have been there for you. I would have, you know, been there for you. Taken care of you. I am a doctor after all, I could have been of some use. Why, Bella?"

I don't know what to say. I know why I waited so long to tell him, but I don't know how to make it sound reasonable to him. "I wanted the chance to process it, and I wanted it to myself for a little while. I was mad at you and I wasn't even sure if I was going to tell you at all. You have every right to be mad at me, Edward, but I can't tell you anything but the truth. The truth is that I don't have a good reason, and I'm sorry."

I reach across the table and cover his hand with mine. I wait for him to speak because honestly I don't know what else to say.

"A baby," he whispers, looking into my eyes. Finally, the corner of his lips curl up into a smile.

"A baby." I smile back at him.

Edward and I sit in the diner talking about what has happened in our lives since we last saw one another. Obviously, I have more to talk about than he does. It's nice to be able to share this with him. He is the only other person who can really be as excited as I am. _My baby has a father. A Daddy._ I slide the newest grainy sonogram picture to him and watch him study it for a few minutes. It occurs to me that being a doctor, he probably knows exactly what he is seeing, so I don't even try to explain it.

"Bella, this is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen," he says, not sounding sarcastic in the least.

I can't hold back the laughter that bubbles up inside of me. "I think you are a little bit biased, Edward."

"Maybe I am, but it's true. She looks smart, too." He chuckles and slides the picture back to me.

I almost choke on my water. I didn't find out the sex of the baby at my last appointment. It was the one thing that I wanted to save for Edward. I thought it would be nice to have something to share with him. " A girl? The baby is a girl?" I just about scream at him.

"Yeah, she's a girl. Did you not know that? Oh my God, Bella. I'm so sorry. Did you not want to know?" He covers his mouth with his hand.

"No! It's okay. I was waiting to find out so that you could be there with me if you wanted to." I stand up from my seat and slide into the booth next to him. I throw my arms around his neck and hold him as close as my tummy will allow. "We're having a girl. A daughter." I cry, with my head on his shoulder.

Edward rubs my back and soothingly whispers in my ear. In that moment I realize how lonely I've been. I know that what ever it is that we have or had isn't perfect by a long shot, but I am going to have to figure out a way to let go of the anger. I have to because he will be part of me forever. I never intended to hide this from anyone, and in my effort to have something just for myself, that is exactly what I did. Part of me wonders how much of that need was driven by my desire to hurt Edward.

"I'm sorry for the way that I treated you the last time that I was here, Edward. I was so angry with you. I still am so angry with you. I know that I have to let it go, and I hope that we can find a way to leave the past behind us. We need to decide together what kind of relationship we are going to have, for our daughter's sake."

"Just for her sake, Bella? Is there truly no hope for us?"

I look at his face and I know immediately that he is serious. He still holds out hope for us and even I have to admit that after I found out about our baby, I envisioned us as a family. "I'm not saying never, Edward. If it happens I want it to be for us, not because of the baby. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense, Bella, but it's so silly. I love you and I have always loved you. I told you as much long before this baby was even conceived. You can take all the time you need to think things through, but I will be here whenever you are ready. I intend to be by your side for the duration of this pregnancy, and then I intend to be involved in every aspect of raising our daughter. Whether it be together or separately, is up to you." The sincerity of his words is evident. I see the truth in his eyes and it makes me want to give into him right then and there.

We spend the next few hours speaking of what to expect the next night when we are both due to be at Emmett's birthday dinner. I tell Edward that no one knows yet, and we decide to arrive together. Obviously it will warrant questions from everyone, but it will serve as the catalyst for the conversation that needs to be had. I feel bad that it will all go down on Em's night, but it's not like I can hide it any longer. _There is no hiding this bump._

I tell Edward that I am staying at the Fork's Motel tonight because my parents aren't expecting me until tomorrow. I admit that I made the trip a day early just to be able to speak with him before I have to see my family. I also explain that I want to have it as a back up just in case the announcement doesn't go over well. When I tell him that I am staying in the motel for the night, he insists that I stay in his guest room. I want to refuse but I can't. I know that his house will definitely be more comfortable than the motel, so to his obvious surprise I accept his offer. Soon enough, we are gathering my things, checking me out and making our way to Edward's.

_**~SC~** _

_It's only half past the point of oblivion_

_The hourglass on the table_

_The walk before the run_

_The breath before the kiss_

_And the fear before the flames_

_Have you ever felt this way?_

_**Glitter in the Air ~ Pink** _

**EPOV**

I have to hide my shock when Bella agrees to stay in my house instead of at the motel. I never thought that she would agree so quickly, if at all. After we pick up her things, she follows me to my house. Driving separate cars allows me a moment to digest the things that she told me at the diner. _A baby._ _A daughter._ I can't believe that I blew the surprise for her. If I'd have known that she didn't know the sex of the baby, I would have have told her in a more significant way.

When we arrive at my house, I show her into the guest room. The tension is thick and the moment is awkward. Obviously I want her with me, but I doubt that anything like that will happen. I set her bags down for her and show her around the second floor. After she knows where the bathroom and the closet that holds the extra linens are, I decide to give her sometime to herself.

"Well, I'll just be down the hall if you need me. I have some patient notes to record before I go to bed. Do you need anything before I go?" I ask.

"I think I'm good here. I may go down and get some water, but I think I can find it." Her smile is radiant and it takes every ounce of my restraint to not kiss her.

"Okay, Bella. If you need anything else, just let me know," I say as I turn to leave.

"Um... Edward? Thank you for this. For caring enough to bring me here and for not hating me." She looks me in the eye and her uncertainty breaks my heart.

I step back into the room and take her hand in mine. "I could never hate you, love. I told you, you are my dream. I'm not letting that dream go. You are always welcome in my home, and you are welcome to stay as long as you want to. In fact, I hope you can be comfortable here. It would be nice to have you and the baby here sometimes." I squeeze her hand but I don't let it go.

"That would be nice." She smiles brightly at me. "It's nice to be able to share this with you, Edward. It's been lonely these past few months."

"You'll never be alone again. I promise." I kiss her forehead before I release her hand and leave the room.

I go into my room and change before I start on my patient notes. I hear Bella wondering around downstairs, and then I hear her get into the shower. I am simultaneously shocked and pleased beyond belief that she is here. Not long after the water shuts off, the house is silent. I finish up my paperwork and go downstairs to lock up the house. When I pass the guest room, I notice that the light is off and Bella is silent behind the door. Again, I have to restrain myself from opening the door to watch her sleep. Instead, I return to my room and get into my bed alone.

I lay awake for a long time thinking of all that has happened today. It's hard to believe that it's real. I never in a million years could have guessed the news that Bella had to deliver. I had all but given up on the dream that I have of being with her, but now I have hope. It's been so long since I've felt hope. I barely recognize the feeling as it settles itself deep into my heart. _It's either going to heal me or kill me. There will be no in between this time._

By some miracle, I manage to fall asleep even with all the thoughts swimming around in my head. Some time later I'm woken by my bedroom door being opened. It takes me a moment to remember that there is some one else in the house with me. Then I remember that the some one is Bella.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I ask as she makes her way from the door to my bed.

"I'm just... I can't sleep, Edward," she answers. I can't see her face clear enough to make out her expression in the dark, but she sounds frustrated.

"It's okay, come here," I say, lifting the blanket so that she can climb in. To my surprise, she does.

Bella slides beneath the covers, her back to my front. I realize that I am only wearing boxers, when her bare legs tangle with mine. My arms instinctively wrap around her, I immediately apologize and start to move away from her.

"Don't let go. Please, Edward, don't let go." she whispers, scooting her body closer to mine.

I don't answer her. Instead, I pull her to me and rest my hand on her pregnant belly. I hear her sigh as she puts her hand on top of mine. I rub circles with my thumb, hoping that it is soothing. As if to answer my unspoken question, she lifts her t-shirt so that I am now rubbing her bare skin.

"I love you, Isabella." I kiss her hair.

"I know, Edward. I can't say it back right now, but I want the baby to know how much we loved each other. I loved you more than my own life, and you broke my heart, Edward." I can hear the tears in her voice and it hurts.

"You may not believe it, but I'm so sorry. I never ever wanted to hurt you. I planned on spending the rest of my life with you." I turn her in my arms so that she is facing me. "I only ever wanted to make you happy. The things that changed my path were out of my control. And I know that is not an acceptable excuse, but at the time I didn't know what else to do." I wipe the tears from her cheek and lean forward to brush a soft kiss where the tears continue to fall. She lets me kiss her face, and she moves her hand to my neck, pulling me closer to her so she can kiss me. In that moment I know what will happen next. I know that I will make love to Bella. I even know that it's wrong. I also know that I'm not going to stop myself if she keeps kissing me the way that she is now.

I feel her tongue trace along my bottom lip, and I allow her entry to my mouth. Her fingers weave into the back of my hair, holding me to her. I roll onto my back and pull her so that she is draped across my chest. I've never made love with a pregnant woman, but I think that having her on top might be more comfortable for her. I move my hands to the hem of her shirt, and when she doesn't stop me, I pull it over her head.

"Edward? Is this safe... I mean for the baby? Will we hurt her?" she asks between kisses, sounding genuinely concerned.

I cradle her face in my hands so I can look into her eyes. "It's perfectly safe, but we don't have to do anything that you are not comfortable with, Bella. We can stop right now if you want."

"Really? We could just stop right now? Even though I'm laying here topless, panting on top of you?" She giggles.

"If that's what you want, then yes. We could stop right now. Even though you are topless, panting on top of me." I smile at her.

"Don't stop, Edward. Just be gentle with me. I need you to be gentle with me tonight. Can you just love me tonight?" She looks straight into my soul as she asks me to make love to her.

The emotion is almost too much for me to handle. I don't even think she knows what she does to me. Her words, her eyes, her touch, all speak straight to my heart.

"Of course, Bella. It's always love with you. Always." I smile at her as I move so that I can lay her back on the pillows.

I hover over her, kissing along her jaw and collar bone. I feel her hands caress my shoulders as I make my way down her body. A low moan leaves her lips when I suck her nipple into my mouth.

"Uh... Edward... you're such a tease." I hear the smile in her voice. "Please... don't make me beg."

I flatten my tongue and lick her from her navel to the hollow of her throat. "What, baby? Tell me what you want." I breathe across her wet skin and watch goosebumps appear across her chest.

"I just want you, love. All of you... everywhere. Please, Edward... I need you," she says as her hands reach down and tug on the waist band of my boxers.

I let her push them down my hips, and when they get too far for her to reach with her hands, she uses her feet. _Yeah, her fucking feet. I love this woman._ I slip her panties off of her and sit up on my knees to look down at her.

Nothing about her is the same as it was the last time we were together. Her body has changed to accommodate her child. _My child. Our daughter._ I can't fight the emotion that washes over me as I reach out and caress her belly with both hands. My tears fall down on to her skin as a sob rips through my chest.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. For everything. I should have never taken you while I was still married. I was so selfish. I just loved you so much." I lean forward and rest my forehead on her stomach. "I fell in love with you the moment we met, and I was so scared to let you go. I wasted so much time, Bella, and I'm sorry." I cry as she runs her finger through my hair.

"Shhh, Edward. It's okay, baby. We're letting go of the past, remember? It's just us now, you and me. I want to start over. I want to let it all go. I need you to help me do it. I need you to tell me that it's going to be okay. That I'm not alone anymore. I need you to show me. Make love to me Edward, here in your bed." She pulls me up so that we are face to face.

We both know that I can't deny her. I kiss her hard, with all of the passion that I've been saving for her. My hand lingers on her thigh before I make my way down to her knee, and I hitch her leg over my hip. I look into her eyes as I slip gently inside of her, and I hear her whisper my name.

"God, Edward, I missed you so much." That's all the encouragement I need to do as she asks and make love to her. I feel her come apart beneath me just as the breaking dawn lights up my bedroom. I follow close behind her, and then I hold her as she drifts off to sleep.

_**~SC~** _

_You can't tell me to heal_

_And it hurts remembering_

_How it felt to shut down_

_You can't be too careful anymore_

_When all that is waiting for you_

_Won't come any closer_

_You've got to reach out a little more_

_The truth never set me free_

_So, I'll do it myself_

_**Careful ~ Paramore** _

**BPOV**

I wake up surrounded by Edward, and I can't help the smile that takes over my face. I've been alone for so long I don't even remember the last time I woke up next to someone. Though, _next to_ isn't quite accurate. I am more or less _underneath_ him. His leg is thrown over mine, his arm is around my waist, and his head is on my breast. I run my fingers through his hair and enjoy the warmth of his breath as it fans out over my chest.

"Good morning, love." he says, his voice raspy with sleep.

"Great morning. How did you sleep?" I ask as I lean down to kiss the top of his head.

He draws patterns gently on my belly with his finger tips. "I haven't slept that well in... well, ever."

"We have to leave the bubble soon, Edward. Our families are expecting us. Everyone will know our secret," I whisper against his hair.

"Good. I don't want to keep it a secret, Bella. I've missed half of the pregnancy already, I want to be able to enjoy the rest of it with you. That is if you'll let me."

"I'm sorry, and of course I want you to enjoy the remainder of our pregnancy. Besides, it will be nice to have my own personal doctor on call twenty four hours a day." I giggle as he starts to tickle my sides.

"Edward, stop! I have to pee!" He rolls off of me and I run to the bathroom and slam the door. I listen to his laughter and it puts a smile on my face.

After I finish my morning routine, I find Edward in the kitchen making breakfast. It's strange to see him like this after everything that has happened between us. Our previous arrangement didn't afford me many of opportunities to see his domestic side.

"I'm making breakfast for you, and I don't want to hear any protests," he says without looking up from the stove. "I'm feeding my daughter." He smirks at me over his shoulder.

His words bring tears to my eyes as I slide up on to the counter next to him. "You won't get any protests from me, buddy. I'm starving. Seems like this little girl is always hungry."

"Speaking of that little girl, have you had time to think of what you might want to call her?"

"I have, actually, but I guess you get a say in it as well," I say, ruffling his hair.

"Oh, not a chance. When those teenage hormones kick in and she decides she doesn't like her name, I want to be able to blame you!" His laughter is loud and contagious.

"So, you are banking on the fact that she is going to hate her name? Jeez, thanks for the vote of confidence, Cullen!" I wipe the happy tears from my eyes. "Anyway, I think she might like being called Sophia... or Daphne... or Layla." I laugh again.

"You've narrowed it down, then?" He teases while he serves up the omelets that he's made. "I like them all, by the way."

"Yeah. For now. Who knows how I'll feel after I see her face." I smile at him as he hands me a plate.

We eat and talk more about what will happen when we get to Rosalie and Emmett's. Edward thinks that in light of our night together, we should present ourselves as a couple. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. _Are we a couple?_ I want to give him what he wants, but I'm scared of how he will perceive it. I don't want him to think that I'm ready o jump in with both feet, and I know I'm not ready to give up my life yet. I made so many concessions during the last time that we were together, I'm hoping that he will be willing to give this time.

"What are you thinking, Bella?" Edward asks as he sits at the other end of the sofa with my feet in his lap.

"I'm just scared that I will be the one making all of the sacrifices, like I did last time, and that I will get nothing in return, like I did last time. I like my life, Edward, and I am perfectly capable of raising this baby on my own. Please don't think that I need anything from you, and please don't think that I am going to leave my life behind to make this work between us. I gave up so much before, and in the end you left me any way. I won't do it again. I've worked so hard to achieve what I have, and I like my life." I answer, begging him to understand how I feel.

He sighs and starts to rub my feet. "Bella, I'm not asking you to give anything up. I want to learn about who you are now and become part of the life that you have built for yourself. I know that I asked too much of you last time, and I don't plan on doing that again. You have to trust that I won't make the same mistakes twice. If you want to raise Sophia... Daphne... Layla in Phoenix then we'll figure it out. Please don't worry about anything, love."

And I decide not to... at least for now.

We spend the rest of the day watching movies and taking a nap. I begin to get nervous when It's time to start getting dressed. When I was packing, I decided that I should wear something that accentuates my baby bump. I think it's the easiest way to get the conversation started. Now that it's time to put it on, I'm not so sure. I pull the gray jersey dress over my head and straighten it. The black boots that I pair with it almost meet the hem at my knee. I pull my hair back into a tight ponytail, and apply minimal makeup. Once my jewelry is on, I grab my coat and head downstairs to meet Edward.

I find him in the living room looking out the window. He is dressed in black slacks, a chocolate brown long sleeved polo shirt, and brown loafers. _Fucking loafers._ _Fucking Prada loafers._ Everything but his hair looks calm and collected. As usual there is no helping his hair. It looks like a copper bird's nest atop his head. This is one of my favorite versions of Edward, second only to bare chested, pajama pants wearing Edward.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask when I'm almost directly behind him.

He turns to look at me and his face lights up. "Bella, you look beautiful," he says, kissing my cheek. "And so pregnant. We may just give our parents a collective heart attack."

"I know. I'm scared, Edward. I don't want to ruin your sister's dinner."

"We aren't going to ruin anything, love. We are going to go in there and tell them about our miracle. If they can't be happy for us, then we can leave and give them the time they need to process it. They will eventually be happy." He rests his forehead against mine. "It's a baby, Bella. Not a bomb."

I giggle and let him kiss me. I know he is right, but I'm not sure that I can handle seeing disappointment in six different sets of eyes. Confusion I can handle, and confusion I can fix, but not disappointment.

When Edward stops the car in Emmett's driveway, my heart is pounding in my chest. I feel his hand on my thigh and I turn to face him. "I know you were planning on coming to this thing even before I showed up, but thank you for doing this with me none the less. I'm really nervous, and I don't think I would have actually shown up with out you.."

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll be by your side the entire time, I promise." He squeezes my leg and smiles at me.

"I know. " I say, covering his hand with my own. "I'm sure it's going to be fine." I smile back at him. I'm not sure if my words are meant to reassure him, or myself.

_**~SC~** _

_Back to you_

_It always comes around back to you_

_I tried to forget you_

_I tried to stay away, but it's too late_

_I'm so good at forgetting_

_And I quit every game I play_

_But forgive me, love_

_I can't turn and walk away_

_**Back to You ~ John Mayer** _

**EPOV**

Bella and I stand on the porch, waiting for someone to let us in. When the door opens, the look on my sister's face is priceless. She is instantly happy to see us both, but I can see the moment that she becomes curious. It's that moment that I grab Bella's hand and give it a little squeeze.

"Hey, Rose. Are you going to let us in, or what?" I ask.

"Umm... yeah, of course," she answers, uncertainty lacing her voice. Which is amusing, because Rose is never uncertain about anything.

"Em!" Rose calls out suddenly, startling Bella and I both. "Your sister is here!"

I hear a squeal and chairs scraping the floor before it sounds like a herd of elephants is making it's way towards us; a herd that consists of my parents, Bella's parents, and Emmett comes around the corner. I try to swallow my fear but it doesn't really work. This time Bella squeezes my hand.

"Good evening, everyone," she says with a bright smile on her face.

In return they all stand there staring at us with mouths agape. I see all six sets of eyes look from our hands to our faces a few times before I decide to speak again.

"Happy birthday, Emmett," I say, letting go of Bella for the first time and reaching forward to shake his hand.

"Thanks, man. It's good to see you again," Emmett answers. "Hey, Bells. Let me take your coat."

As soon as he says it, Bella looks at me and winks. _And 3,2,1._ There is a collective gasp, as Emmett starts to walk away with Bella's coat. He turns to see what the fuss is about and drops her coat on the floor.

"Isabella!" Mrs. Swan is the first to speak. "Are you pregnant?"

"I hope so, or else I'm getting really fat!" She fucking giggles. _The damn giggling is going to get us killed!_

Now everyone is just staring at us again. I grab her hand again, and she steps closer into my side. I let go of her hand and wrap my arm around her waist.

"What the hell!" Emmett and Chief Swan say at the same time.

"Maybe we should all go sit down," Rosalie says as she turns to lead us all into the family room.

The crowd parts and lets Bella and I go first. When we get to the family room, Rose waves her arm indicating that we should sit in the smaller of the two sofas. Then everyone files in behind us and sits on the large sofa and the chairs. They all stare at us expectantly, and Bella grabs my hand again.

"So what's new, guys?" Bella asks like a true smart ass.

"Why don't you start, Edward." The Chief says, giving me a look that will surely kill me if I stare at him any longer.

"Well, Bella and I got to talking at the Rehearsal Dinner for Rose and Emmett's-"

"Ugh! At my dinner! Really, Edward?" Rosalie interrupts and looks like she is going to jump on me at anytime. "What the hell?"

"Slow down Rose. He said we talked at the dinner. After the dinner was over and I went home, Edward came over to tell me that my parents were staying here because they had a little too much to drink." Bella gives her mother a pointed look. "And then, well, one thing lead to another..."

"IN MY HOUSE!" The Chief is really pissed now. "You went into my home and just took it upon yourself to impregnate my daughter?"

"Sir, with all due respect-"

"Oh, now he has respect," he says, looking at his wife.

"Okay, hold on a minute." My father finally speaks up. "I know this is unexpected, but why are we upset? They are both adults and a baby is a miracle. How far along are you, Bella?" he asks smiling at us.

"Almost five months, Dr. Cullen," she answers, returning his smile.

"Please, call me Carlisle. You are carrying my first grandchild after all."

I look at my mother and see that her eyes are shining with tears, but she is smiling as well. She stands and pulls Bella into a tight hug before turning her attention to me. I relax in my mother's arms when I hear her whisper her congratulations to Bella.

"OH MY GOD... I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!" Emmett shouts.

Everyone laughs at him and seems to relax a bit. They take their turns hugging Bella and shaking my hand. Mrs. Swan cradles Bella's face and kisses both of her cheeks.

"My baby is having a baby." Tears fall softly down her face. Bella reaches out to brush them away.

"Don't cry, Mama. I'm so happy," Bella says.

"So, Bells. Are you moving home? I mean I'm going to need to have the little guy here so that I can teach him to fish and take him to see baseball games." Her dad finally seems to be coming around.

"Her." Bella smiles at him. "It's a girl, Daddy."

Another round of gasps and squeals erupts and the women pull Bella into a massive group hug.

"A GIRL!" my mom shouts, actually jumping up and down.

After all of the squealing and hugging die down, we sit and actually have dinner. Emmett grins when we sing _Happy Birthday_ to him. I catch a few glares from her dad, but other than that it goes much better than I expected it to. Once everyone calms down, our families seem to just accept Bella and I as a couple. They also seem to accept our news for what it is, and my dad is right, it is a miracle.

That night as I lay in bed with Bella and my daughter in my arms, I feel like my life is finally complete. I have loved this woman for as long as I can remember. She is in fact my dream come true, and now she is going to give me a daughter. I can't imagine that my heart can get any more full with out actually exploding. As sleep starts to take me, I whisper the only thing that I have yet to say, the only thing that makes sense for me to say.

"Marry me, Bella"


	3. Make You Feel My Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally included in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society compilation. Cancer charities are by far the closest to my heart. Thank you to all who contributed. As always... Max beta'd and Jaime made the banner. xoxo

__

_I know you haven't made_

_Your mind up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I've known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

_**Make You Feel My Love ~ Adele** _

**BPOV**

I sit straight up in bed like I've been electrocuted. I open and close my mouth a few times, not knowing what to say, feeling like a fish out of water. When I look into his eyes, I don't see him waiver even a little bit. _He is serious about this._ I can't form the words that are running through my head. I take a deep breath and try to compose myself.

"That's just crazy, Edward. Marry you? We don't even know each other anymore. Are you asking just because I'm pregnant? If you are, then it's unnecessary. I won't keep her away from you, and you don't have to marry me." He is staring at me with furrowed brows, and I can tell that he is starting to get upset. "I mean, I get it. You want to be around and you want to be included. You have to know that I would never deny you that, but marriage?"

He sighs and sits up next to me. "It's not a secret that I love you, Bella. I've been trying to tell you and show you every second that you've been here. Why is it so hard to believe that I want to marry you? I know that you have a life and friends in Phoenix, but you also have a life here..." he places his hand on my tummy "...a life that we created together, a life that I already love. I don't want to be without you any longer. Is it really that crazy? I don't think so."

When he says it like that, he doesn't seem so bat shit crazy and that scares me. I cover his hand with my own. I waited the entire six years we were together for him to say these things to me, and it's hard to not get sucked into his insanity. Of course I want to raise our daughter together, but am I ready to jump in with both feet?

I have to stop this madness before I drag him to the courthouse and marry him right now. My hormones are all over the place, and I don't trust my own judgement. "Don't do this now. Please, Edward. I need for you to really mean what you are saying. You can't hurt me again. I won't survive it." I sigh and let the tears fall freely.

"Oh, baby. please don't cry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I really just want to make you happy. I want us to do this together, all of it. I'll never hurt you again, Isabella. I swear it to you." He pulls me closer to him, and I end up with my head on his chest.

"I can't answer you now, Edward. I'm sorry. I don't want to say no, I really don't, but I'm not ready to say yes either. I'm hearing all the things that you want, but I'm not sure what I want. I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just being honest. I need to sort this out and figure somethings out on my own. Is that okay?" I ask, rubbing my hand over his chest.

"Of course it's okay. Take your time, love. I'm not going anywhere," he whispers as he kisses my forehead. I fall asleep in his arms, dreaming of wedding bells and a beautiful little girl sitting atop her father's shoulders.

_**~SC~** _

I wake up to the smell of bacon and Edward. I open my eyes and see that I'm alone in bed. I pull Edward's pillow to my chest and try to reclaim my slumber. I lie there, letting minutes pass, until the tiny person inside makes it impossible to ignore my full bladder.

"Okay, I'm getting up." I mumble to myself.

After completing my morning ritual, I make my way downstairs to find the food. Before I even get into the kitchen, I am assaulted by the scent of pancakes and bacon. _Heaven_. Edward smiles at me and stands up from his spot at the table. I step into his arms without a second thought and let him wrap me up tight.

"Did you sleep well?" he asks softly.

"I did. Very well, actually. I had sweet dreams which you starred in. You?" I giggle and move my hands under his shirt.

"I woke up and you were still here. I can't ask for more than that." He says, pushing a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"Oh, I beg to differ. I distinctly recall you asking for more than that last night." I smirk at him.

"Well you seem to be in a better mood this morning. Must have been all the dreaming of me." He doesn't move to stop my hands, so I continue to touch him. "Would you like some breakfast?"

"Yes, I would. Lately, I always want food. What do you have?" I move back from him until only our finger tips touch.

He laughs and leads me to a chair. "I have pancakes and bacon. Is that okay?"

I smile when my stomach rumbles as if on cue. "That sounds great, Edward. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella. I told you that I want to take care of you, and I meant it. Thank you for letting me." He kisses my head and then goes to serve my plate. I find myself salivating as I watch him working in front of the stove in a t-shirt and boxers. I'm not sure if I'm hungry for the food or for the man. _Maybe having him with me in Phoenix won't be such a bad thing after all. Yes, I'm selfish._

He comes back to the table with a tray of food. I've never been more happy to see a fork in my life. "Thank you, Edward. This looks wonderful and I'm starving," I say, digging in.

We eat in silence at first. I'm not sure what to say. I know that our conversation did not go as he planned, but I don't want things to be anymore awkward between us than they already are. I want to be able to talk to him and get to know him, before I have to go back to Phoenix. I know that he wants to be a part of this pregnancy and our baby's life, but it's not so simple for me. The Edward that I remember broke my heart and left me with nothing. The Edward I remember cheated on his wife and only decided to be faithful once he knew that she was dying. How can I build a life with someone like that? How can I tell my daughter that her father is wonderful and kind and loving, when the memories I have are not any of those things. What will we tell her when she asks how we met or even worse, how she came to be? All of these thoughts swirling around in my head are making me dizzy, and I can see that Edward is noticing. I look at him and see that he is studying me. I know he has questions to ask. I can see them in his eyes.

"Ask me, Edward. What ever it is, just ask." I sigh and put my fork down.

"What are we going to do, Bella? I mean, I can see that you have reservations about even being here. How are we going to raise a child together when you don't trust me?"

"I don't know. I want to be able to tell you that I do trust you and that everything is going to be fine, but I can't. The fact of the matter is that this is not an easy situation, and we are going to have to do what is right for us. I want you to be involved in every aspect of this pregnancy, but we have to take into account that we don't even live in the same state. I thought that I would be able to come here and tell everyone that I was moving home and that we are going to have this baby together. I wanted to look my parents in the eye and tell them that I love you and I am happy, but I loved you once, Edward, and it almost killed me. The thought of going through anything like that ever again scares the shit out of me. I can't go through that again, and I especially can't put a baby through that with me."

I feel that my skin is wet with tears, and I feel lighter as I purge myself of all the things I need to say to him. I watch the light fade from his eyes, and I hate that I've done this to him. Then just when I think it's time for me to leave his home, he surprises the shit out of me.

"I'll move to Phoenix," he says suddenly, without even a second thought.

"What?" I blink and try to clear the tears from my eyes. "That's crazy, Edward. I don't think..." I don't get to finish my sentence before he stands and begins to pace the room in front of me.

"It's not crazy. It's practical. I can take a leave of absence from the hospital, and I can get a place near you. You have a life and a job there, but the fact is that you are more or less alone. You and the baby are what is important to me. Much more important than any job. If that's what you need from me, that's what I'm going to do." He looks very resolved and it scares me a little bit.

"I can't ask you to do this. What about what you need? The world doesn't revolve around me." I sigh because I don't know what else to say, and I know that I am going to lose this fight.

"I only need to know that you and my daughter are safe and taken care of. Right now my world does revolve around you, Isabella. Deal with it." He raises an eyebrow at me.

I can't think of anything else to say. I'm sure that there are a million reasons why it will be crazy to have him move all the way to Arizona to be at my beck and call for the duration of my pregnancy, but the idea of not being alone is starting to look very appealing. I stand up and walk to the window, trying to collect my thoughts. I look out on the calm that surrounds Edward's home, and I wonder if he will bring the calm with him to my home. The idea makes me feel hopeful and happy. I feel strong arms wind around my waist and breath across my cheek. Everything feels so easy right now, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 _ **Six years ago... Bella's 23rd birthday**_ : _I can't believe this is happening again. He said he'd meet me at the airport. Then he said he'd be on the next flight. Then he said he be here first thing in the morning. Now he says he's sorry. I agree. I knew what I was getting into from the very first kiss, but I never knew that it could hurt me this much. It's really hard to not be able to count on the man that you love. It's even harder when you realize that you don't even trust him._

_Everyday, I wake up and brace myself for the cluster fuck that is my life with Edward, and he very rarely surprises me. I've come to expect disappointment. I've come to tolerate the heart ache. I know that it isn't normal, and I'm sure that there is an easier way to live. But I love him. I love him._

_My phone rings and I know that it's him without looking. "You're not coming," I say, not bothering with pleasantries._

_"I'm sorry, angel. I don't know what else to say." He sighs and sounds defeated._

_"You do realize that you have sent me off to an entirely separate state this time. I'm in fucking Aspen all by my fucking self. ON MY MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY!" I can't help but shout and the good people of Aspen stop and stare at me as I have a meltdown in front of the luggage carousel._

_What the hell am I doing? Why am I doing this? Oh, yeah... I love him._

I pull myself out of the past and am met with the pained expression on Edward's face.

"You have to understand my hesitation, Edward. I'm not used to having to trust so easily. I have been on my own for so long, I don't even know how to add another person to my equation." I sigh as his lips touch the top of my head.

"I get it, Bella. I really do. I've been alone a long time, but I never stopped thinking of you. Believe it or not, I have always counted you into my equation. Nothing is going to make me stop loving you. If you need time, I'll give you time. Tell me what you need. I told that I want to take care of you, so let me." I can hear the sincerity in his voice, and I feel my walls begin to crumble.

"I don't know what to say, Edward. I don't know if I am ready for this." I grab hold of his shirt trying to anchor him to me. "Just say yes, baby. I'll do the rest," he whispers against my hair.

"Yes," I whisper, not able to fight anymore. Honestly, I'm not sure that I even want to fight anymore.

"Yeah?" He stands up and takes me with him, swinging me around in a circle.

"Yeah." I laugh and it feels like I haven't laughed this much in a long time. "Stop, Edward! You're going to make me sick!" I hold on tight around his neck and squeeze his waist with my legs. He kisses me hard.

"Don't make me regret this. Please," I say when he rests his forehead against mine.

"I swear you won't regret it, angel. I love you so much," he says and in this moment, I believe him.

_**~SC~** _

_When the evening shadows_

_And the stars appear_

_And there is no - one there_

_To dry your tears_

_I could hold you_

_For a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

_**Make You Feel My Love ~ Adele** _

**EPOV**

_She said yes._ I can't fucking believe it. I barely even had to beg. _Note to self, Bella really likes it when I cook for her._ The reality of the situation washes over me, and I am happier than I have been in a really log time. I love Bella and have loved her for so long that I can't bring myself to regret my decision. That may be a different story when I deliver the news to my family, but I don't want to think about that right now.

"Yes? Just like that?" I ask leaning down to look into her eyes. "Are you sure, love?"

"Edward, I just said yes. Don't make me rethink my answer. Is it crazy? Yes, of course. Are our families going to have strong opinions? Yes, of course. But this is our life and our decision to make. I think this may be good. We can be away from everything and get to know each other again. I loved you once, and I'm not counting out the idea of me learning to love you again. I'm not even sure if I'm making sense right now," she says, looking me straight in the eyes and smiles at me, a real smile that reaches all the way to her eyes.

"It makes perfect sense. Perfect and amazing sense. Let's do it. Let's get on the computer and find somewhere for me to live. I want to be able to close this place up and go to Phoenix when you leave."

"Okay." She's still smiling at me and I know in that moment that I have made the right decision.

Bella and I spend a good part of the morning searching online for places close to her condo. We find several possibilities, then make some phone calls and finally Skype with a realtor that is handling the property I decide I want to call home. I see Bella biting her lip next to me and I know that she has something on her mind. I'm just not sure I really want to hear it. Once the realtor says that she will call me as soon as she has some final numbers worked out, I know that I need to find out what is bothering Bella.

"Is everything okay, love?" I ask, turning to look into her eyes.

"It's fine." She sighs. "I just think this is going so fast and that place is big, Edward."

"Well it isn't official yet. There is still a lot to work through, and I will need the room once the baby comes. Or if there ever comes a time when you need to stay with me, you will have a place to feel comfortable. Plus it is close to your office _and_ your home. I think it's fairly ideal." I smile at her, trying to convey how pleased I am with our findings.

"Your family is going to hate me for taking you away from them and your career." The words are so soft that I can barely hear them.

"I don't think so, Isabella. I think they will understand. And just think how much your family would hate me if they knew that I was the reason you stayed away for so long." I take her hands and bend to look her in the eyes.

"It.. you... me staying away for long has nothing to do with you, Edward. I was making something of myself, finding my place in the world," she stammers.

"I don't doubt that you were doing all of those things, but I know as well as you do that if I wouldn't have made the choices that I made, you would have never left. I'm sorry for that, Bella. I put you in a situation that wasn't fair and it definitely didn't convey how much I valued you in my life. I need to fix that. I need you to know that I have never felt anything but love for you."

"I don't need any grand gestures. I just need to know that you are with me. I'm terrified of ending up alone again. I can't let you in just to have you leave again." She moves to sit in my lap and drapes her arms over my shoulders. "Promise me, Edward. I need you to promise that you are going to be there every step of the way. From here on out, I need to know that I can count on you."

I cradle her face in my hands and force her to look in to my eyes. "I will be there every step of the way. There is nothing that you can't count on me for. I want to be the one that you call in the middle of the night because you need ice cream." She giggles and the sound makes me smile. "And I want to be the one you call to come massage your swollen feet. I want you to let me take care of you and our daughter, even if she isn't here yet. I love you."

"Sophia," she whispers against my neck.

"Sophia?" I ask, not quite understanding what she is talking about.

"Our daughter's name is Sophia." Bella lifts her face and looks into my eyes. She leans forward and places her lips softly against my own. "And if you are ready to take this giant leap of faith and move to Arizona, then I'm ready to put the past behind me and move forward with you. Don't make me regret it, please," she pleads.

Her words make me want to hold her and never let her go. I want to be able to tell her how I feel and not just have her hear me, but believe me as well. I know that it's my job to make sure she's safe while she's carrying my child, but I also want to make sure she is happy. I want that to be my job.

"Bella, I know that you have no reason to believe me, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to show you that I will never, ever hurt you again. Please give me the chance to prove it. Let me in. Let me love you." I find myself kneeling in front of her, and I know that I have to ask again. I have to ask everyday until she says yes. "Marry me, Bella."

She giggles and reaches out to ruffle my hair. I can't help but smile up at her. "Oh, Edward. What am I going to do with you?"

"You're going to marry me. I hope." I grab her hand and hold it to my heart.

"I hope so, too. Believe it or not, I really do. Are you looking for an answer right this moment, Mr. Cullen?" She is smiling and her words are light despite the weight they hold.

"I'd love an answer right this moment, Miss Swan, but I'm willing to give you as much time as you need. I know that it isn't something that we planned for but hearing that you hope so too makes me happy," I answer.

By this time, Bella has moved onto the floor with me. Our backs are against the couch and our legs are straight out in front of us. She tangles her legs with mine and leans her head on my shoulder.

"I want to give us a clean slate, Edward. I want to be able to be happy when we are together. I think that I just have to decide to forgive you and myself for all of the pain that we caused each other in the past. I've held on to it for so long, but I'm tired of being sad all the time. I want the old _us_ back. Do you remember how happy we were in the beginning? We were perfect. You were perfect. I've never felt about anyone the way I felt for you. I want it back. Do you think I can have it?" she asks as I stroke her hair. She sounds so hopeful and innocent. It makes me wan to try and give her anything she asks for. _Who am I to deny her anything?_

"You can have anything you want, angel. Anything." I lift her chin with my finger so I can look her in he eye and when she smiles at my answer, I kiss her. My only wish in that moment is that she believes me.

 _ **Eight years ago... Bella's 21st birthday:**_ _I have to cancel on her again. Third week in a row and it's her birthday. I finally got her on the phone and now she is in hysterics. She made it all the way to the city before I caught her. Now she is there, in a hotel room, on her birthday. Alone._

_"I don't understand, Edward. You made these plans. This was your idea. I could be home with Rose and Alli. What the hell happened?" she sobs, and each word breaks my heart a little more._

_"I think she knows. She keeps making last minute plans with our family after I tell her I'm going out of town. I'm just trying to keep the peace, Bells. This isn't a game, you know. It's my life." I regret that I snap at her, but I'm at the end of my rope and I just want this day to be over._

_"Your life? Well I wouldn't want to mess with your peace, Edward. Have a great weekend." Before I can apologize, the line goes dead and I know that she's hung up on me. When I try to call back, her phone is turned off and it stays that way for the entire weekend._

_I later found out that Alice and Rose both joined her in Seattle the next night to celebrate. No one went to her that first night, though. It broke my heart to think that she spent her actual birthday alone. How do you make something like that up to someone? I never did and she never forgot it. It took two years for her to let me make plans for her birthday again._

The memories of our past have haunted me for as many years that have passed. I always loved her. I just never seemed to get it right. I knew I was doing it wrong. I just didn't know how to make it right. Now, however, it is painfully obvious. I should have taken better care of her. I should have made her the most important person in my life. She was, after all, the most important thing in my heart. Now, I hate to think that she never knew it.

I hear movement on the stairs behind me and turn to see Bella walking towards me. She looks radiant even though she is just wearing a pair of jean shorts. I want to reach out and pull her to me.

"What?" she asks, inspecting herself.

"Nothing. You just look beautiful. I can't keep my eyes off of you," I say, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I look fat, and I feel even fatter." She rubs her round tummy as if it proves her point.

"You look pregnant, Bella. There is nothing fat about you." I pull her to me and run my hands up and down her sides. She leans into me and I smile when I hear her exhale.

"Should we stay in? Or do you still want to go see the many sights that await us." I kiss her hair, and she giggles.

I look down and am met with the big brown eyes that have haunted my dreams. "I want to go out, Edward. Let's go to La Push or maybe to the shops in Port Angeles. I miss home. I need to breath in some fresh air." She raises up on her toes and kisses my chin. How can I argue with that?

I grab my keys and she grabs her bag, and we are on our way. I feel like I have to drive extra slow to keep her and the baby safe. I look over and see her smiling at me. She knows. I feel her hand on my thigh and I feel calm again. I head toward First Beach and Bella is almost bouncing in her seat when I pull into the parking lot.

"You okay, beautiful girl?" I laugh.

"I'm more than okay. Do remember the last time we were here? We made out like a couple of teenagers behind the rocks." She lays her head on my shoulder as the memory washes over me.

"How could I forget that? It was an incredible day. You in that blue dress..." My words trail off.

"Your hand under my blue dress," she says, sliding her hand under my t-shirt. I can't help the gasp that escapes when her cold fingers touch my skin. "Your lips on my neck. Your love in my soul. You were everywhere that day. Will you be everywhere today?" She leans forward and kisses her way from my ear to my collarbone.

"Do you want me to be everywhere today, angel? I will give you anything you want. You know that," I say kissing her hair, breathing her in.

"I know you will, Edward, but what is it that you want?" When she looks up at me I can see he question in her eyes. It goes deeper than just her words.

"I only want a chance, Bella." I whisper.

"Okay, you have a chance. One chance. Now let's walk," she says and moves to get out of the car, effectively ending our conversation.

_**~SC~** _

We walk for what seems like miles. We laugh, and I start to believe that a relationship between us could actually work. I know that I never fell out of love with her, and I hope that she feels the same. Our previous break up was forced by my situation; it was sudden and painful. I think she understands that it hurt me, too. I think that she is starting to see that I never meant to be without her.

"Bella, how come you never asked me to leave Tanya?" I ask, trying not to show how important he answer will be to me.

"Honestly? I didn't want to have to ask, Edward. I wanted it to be your idea. I wanted you to chose me. I told you from the beginning that I didn't want to be the reason your marriage didn't work out." Her answer is not hat I expected.

"But wasn't I worth it to you to ask? Isn't it what you wanted?" I stop and face her.

"Wasn't I worth it to you?" She almost shouts, her breaths sound angry and defiant. "I mean, you keep going on and on about how much you love me and about how I need to trust you and just give in. But what have you ever done that is deserving of my trust, Edward? Have you kept your promises? Have you followed through on anything that has to do with me? Ever? No. So don't question me about the validity of my feelings for you."

"Well, damn, Bella. If you were so unhappy why did you stay with me for so long? Your version of the relationship sounds fucking unbearable. It seems crazy that we lasted as long as we did!" I'm shouting now, too. I know as the words leave my mouth that I'm not helping the situation.

She wipes angrily at the tears that are falling down her cheeks and my heart sinks. "Don't try to make me the bad guy here. I was in it 100%. You were it for me. There was no one else. I wasn't sharing my bed or my life with anyone except you. Can you say that? Can you tell me that during our relationship I was the only woman in your life?" She waits for an answer, but I'm to stunned to even speak.

"I didn't think so," she says before turning her back on me and walking back towards the car.

"You didn't answer my question, Isabella!" I yell as she storms off. "Why did you stay!"

She turns to look at me and a look of defeat mars her beautiful face. "I loved you, Edward." She shrugs. "That's why I stayed. Against all reason, against all logic, I stayed because I loved you. It wasn't enough, though. You still never chose me." Her shoulders sag and her sobs get louder.

"I did choose you, Bella. I chose you every time I went to you, every time I left my home to be with you. I always chose you. Don't you see? I wanted you more than anything in the world, but I was a coward. I was afraid." I walk towards her and stop only when she puts her hand out in front of her chest, clearly asking me not to come any closer.

"Afraid of what exactly? I never asked for anything. I never made unreasonable demands or threatened to leave you." Her words are short and her eyes are fierce.

"That's just it though, Bella. You never asked for anything. What if I left her only to find out that you didn't want forever with me the way I wanted it with you? I was scared of what our families would say. I was scared of what people would think. I had a lot to be worried about." I try not to yell at her, but I'm beginning to fail miserably. "I stood before God and my family, and promised to love and protect my wife. I was afraid of failing."

"Bull shit! You were afraid looking bad. You were afraid of being a disappointment. Don't blame that shit on me! I was there. I proved my love and my loyalty. Six fucking years worth of it! So don't tell me you were scared that I wasn't in it with you because I was right fucking there every step of the way." She is livid, and we are losing control of this situation fast.

She turns away from me again and this time I don't stop her.

Once we are both in the car and we are heading back towards my house, I decide it's time to try and talk to her. "I'm sorry I upset you, Bella. I had such a different day planned for us."

"I'm sorry, too. I never knew you felt that way, though, so I'm glad I know now. I'm sorry I was foolish enough to believe in my silly school girl's delusions of grandeur. I'm glad you finally set me straight," she says, as she continues to stare out the window.

Once I pull into my garage, she turns to look at me, and I see that all the fire is gone. I let myself hope for the best until I hear what she has to say.

"You know, I'm still not asking you for anything. I'm perfectly willing and capable of raising this baby on my own. Don't go out of your way or your God damned comfort zone for me. My daughter will never be second to anything, even you. I hope you can deal with that. I wouldn't want to scare you or anything," she says looking straight in my eyes.

"Bella..." I start, but she's out of the car before I can finish. She heads straight for her rental car, and then she is gone. Again.

What the fuck just happened?

_**~SC~** _

_I'd go hungry_

_I'd go black and blue_

_I'd go crawling down the avenue_

_No, there's nothing_

_That I wouldn't do_

_To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging_

_On the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret_

_Though winds of change_

_Are blowing wild and free_

_You ain't seen nothing_

_Like me yet_

_I could make you happy_

_Make your dreams come true_

_Nothing that I wouldn't do_

_Go to the ends of the Earth for you_

_To make you feel my love_

_**Make You Feel My Love ~ Adele** _


	4. When It Rains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally written for the Texas Fires compilation.

__

_And when it rains,_

_Will you always find an escape?_

_Just running away,_

_From all of the ones who love you,_

_So why can't you stay just long enough to explain?_

_**When It Rains ~ Paramore** _

**EPOV**

She is gone... again. I'll never get used to her walking away from me like that. She does it so easily and it drives me crazy. Now, I'm sitting here listening to my sister rant about how upset Bella is and how I'm crazy to let go this way. She is tossing Bella's forgotten clothes into her forgotten bag and glaring at my forgotten face.

"Rose, it's not that simple; it's not that cut and dry. Nothing ever has been between Bella and I. Why would it change now?" I say, sarcasm dripping from each word.

"Oh, I don't know, because of the baby!" she shouts, throwing a pillow at my head. "And what do you mean _nothing ever has been_? It's not like you have a lot to go on. It's only been a few months, how can you pretend to know anything about her?"

"I'm not pretending, Rosalie. I'm sorry that you don't understand what's going on right now. When and if Bella is ready to talk, we'll talk. For now I have no other choice but to let her go." I sigh, knowing that this explanation will never be enough for her.

"Whatever, Edward, we will revisit this but you have to remember that Bella isn't herself right now. She is scared shit less, more than you'll ever be able to comprehend. Her emotions aren't her own. Her body isn't her own and on top of that, she is responsible for keeping another human being alive and healthy. All you did was donate the sperm, the rest falls solely on her shoulders. Think of that next time you have a beer or a fucking cup of coffee. She can't have either."

She slams the door and I am alone again. The silence will fucking kill me if I'm not careful, and I turn on my iPod. The music is soothing and familiar and definitely not mine. Bella left her iPod. I debate taking it to my sister's house but the thought of Emmett bashing my face in stops me. Instead, I turn up the volume and close my eyes. I can see her face, the smile that was there this morning when she sat across the table from me, the hurt that was there before she drove away this afternoon. I let sleep take me, hoping with all of my heart that I can wake from this nightmare.

**~SC~**

The next few weeks are strange. I decide that regardless of my status with Bella, I'm going to make the move to Phoenix. The thought of being in her city without her doesn't make me happy, but I can't see any other way. I want to be a part of my daughter's life and that doesn't seem possible if I am in Forks, especially in the beginning. I spend my days packing and sorting through the things in my house. I know that I want to only bring the bare necessities. The problem is I'm not sure what those are. This is the dilemma I find myself pondering one morning when there is a knock on my door. I'm definitely not expecting anyone, and I'm surprised to find not only my mother but Bella's mother on my front porch.

"Good morning, ladies, come in," I say holding the door open while they both walk past me, kissing my cheek. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

They both look around the living room and then back at each other before turning back to me. "Son, are you going somewhere that I'm not aware of? It doesn't look like you are packing for a weekend get a way." My mother glares at me with a raise brow.

"Actually, I am going somewhere, Mother. Would you ladies like some coffee while we chat?" I start taking mugs down and setting up a tray. I need a moment to collect my thoughts, and I'd rather my mother not be able to see my face while I do it. Esme will know in a second that something is wrong.

"That's sounds wonderful, Edward." Renee smiles. "I have some blueberry muffins I made this morning. They will go great with a cup of coffee."

I set the tray on the table and sit so I can look at them both. "So... what's going on, ladies?" I ask, looking back and forth between them.

They look at each other; I presume they are deciding who will speak first. I start to get worried when it takes longer than I expect it to. I slouch don in my chair and run my hand over my face while I wait.

Finally Renee picks up her mug and my mother starts to speak. "Edward, we are concerned that you and Isabella have maybe bitten of more than you can chew, so to speak. An unplanned pregnancy, no matter how wanted it is, is never an easy thing to deal with. Renee has brought it to my attention that Bella left without saying goodbye and when they spoke, Bella made it clear to Renee that she doesn't know what your plans for the future are." Esme takes a deep breath before she continues. "To make a long story short, we're worried, honey."

"Yes, Edward, we are just worried. We want to make sure that you both understand what an important and unique time in your lives this is, and I don't want you two to miss out on it because you are both so damn stubborn." Renee huffs and downs what is left of her coffee, before slamming the mug down on the table in front of her.

I take a deep breath and let it out in a long, drawn out sigh. "I'm sorry that you are worried, but you shouldn't be. Bella and I have hit a bump in the road, and we are going to need time to fix it and to get used to the fact that we are stuck with each other for a very long time. We haven't quite figured how to deal with the fact that we are responsible for another life, and we still haven't figured out how to manage on our own yet." I hope that they can both sense the fact that I am at the end of my rope, and I can really use any advice they have to offer.

Their reaction is unexpected, and I am shocked when they both start laughing, loudly. "Oh, Renee, he doesn't want us to worry! Did you hear that?" My mom is doubled over and clutching her stomach.

"I heard him, Esme! They've hit a bump and they need time!" Renee is hitting the table in front of her and wiping tears away.

I can imagine the look on my face is one of complete and utter shock. I look back and forth between them and contemplate leaving the room all together. "Does one of you want to tell me what is so funny? I was being serious!" I shout but I can't stop the smile that from spreading across my face.

My mother sighs before she moves her chair closer to me. "Baby, you and Bella don't have time to figure anything out. This baby is set to a timer, and she's coming whether or not you're ready. So stop wasting time and start making definite plans. Don't wait until you're holding your daughter to figure out where she is going to live."

"I know, Mom, and I'm trying. As a matter of fact you two have interrupted my packing. I rented a house in Phoenix, and I want to get out there as soon as possible. I was able to take an extended vacation of sorts, so I can set up shop in Arizona." I try to smile, but the questioning look on their faces is making me nervous.

"You're moving to Phoenix? Permanently or will you be coming back?" Esme asks, looking very worried.

"Yes, eventually I'll come back. I just don't want to miss anything, and Bella wants to work for as long as she can. We have talked about coming back home so the baby will be born in Forks, but nothing is set in stone yet." I smile at them and wait for their reaction.

Renee stands up and runs around the table to hug me and sits in the chair right next to me. "I think that's a really good plan, Edward. I will feel so much better knowing that you are there in case my Isabella needs you. Go to her, don't let her push you away. She's only doing it because she is scared. You have to fight for your family, Edward. Don't let her go."

_I can feel the pressure, it's getting closer now_

_We're better off without you_

_Now that I'm losing hope, and there's nothing else to show_

_For all of the days that we spent_

_Carried away from home_

_Some things I'll never know, and I had to let them go_

_I'm sitting all alone feeling empty_

_**Pressure ~ Paramore** _

**BPOV**

I just need to be home. My home. I need to be back in my element, so I can remember who I am. I didn't go to Forks with the purpose of bringing Edward back into my life. It was a nice thought when we were sitting at his table having breakfast together, but obviously it was just a dream. The truth of the matter is that Edward and I don't know each other anymore, and we do not have to be together just because I am pregnant. End of story.

I spend the rest of my time in Forks at my parents' house. They are so happy to have me there that they only ask about Edward once. I tell him he is busy working, and they don't ask any questions. On the contrary, when Rose brings my things from Edward's, she has so many questions that it makes my head spin. We sit and talk for a while, but in the end it is what it is. I can't worry about it anymore. The stress is just too much. I give her my information so that she can get in touch with me, and I hope that she does. Boarding the plane back to Phoenix I feel like I can finally relax. I sink into my seat, and that's when I realize that I left my iPod at Edward's. _Fuck my life._

I hold my breath as I open the door to my condo, and say a short prayer that I can get back to normal quickly. I step inside the door and I feel better almost instantly. I let myself fall onto my sofa and I wait for the tears to come. _One day, Isabella Marie, you have one day to mourn a life that was never yours in the first place._ I pull the tin of peanut butter cookies that my mother made for me out and decide that it's the best substitute for wine that I have available. I eat nine of them before I decide I am sufficiently stuffed. I have three days before I need to be back at work, officially, and I am determined to get it together by then.

"We are going to be fine, baby girl." I rub my belly and drag my ass up off of the floor. I make my way into my bedroom and get ready for bed. I open my drawer and search for something to wear to bed. Then I remember I stole some shit from Edward.

The way that I'm feeling tonight might just call for me to pull on a pair of Edward's boxers, so I do, along with a t-shirt and a pair of wool socks that I also snagged from Edward. After I brush my teeth I, climb into bed and wait for sleep to take me.

**~SC~**

Time passes quickly once I get back to work. I do my job and let my friends spoil me. I have pink covering every surface of my office, and I haven't bought even one item yet. It makes me smile to know that so many people love my daughter already. I can't let myself think of all the people I left back in Forks that love her too. Being home in Phoenix makes forgetting easy; I spend every day forgetting. I am an expert forgetter. I have forgotten his voice, I have forgotten his face, and now I'm working on forgetting his words. I will myself to forget his words but my heart knows that they were true and my heart holds onto them.

Weeks pass and I find myself putting things away in the nursery. I gave up my office so I wouldn't have to find a bigger place, and I think it will work out just fine. This little girl has a wardrobe that rivals the entire baby section at Macy's—the perks of working in fashion, I guess. I finally finish moving my office in to the dining room; now I can start setting up Sophia's nursery. I didn't want to start looking for a bigger house before I knew how things were

going to pan out with Edward. _I guess I know now._

I'm staring at a tiny pair of pink Van's when my phone rings. "Hey, Mom, how's it going?"

"Fine, just checking on you, Bella. I was picking up some things for the baby today, and I ran into Rosalie. She is so excited about being an aunt! I think she had more loot than I did!" The idea of Renee and Rose shopping together actually makes me jealous.

"Aww... I'm sorry I missed it. I wish I could be shopping with you guys, although I must say that this little girl is turning out to be the most spoiled baby in the history of the world!" I laugh.

"There is no such thing as a spoiled baby, Isabella, only a loved baby." For some reason my mother's words bring tears to my eyes.

"I miss you, Mom." It's barely a whisper, but I know she hears me.

"Oh baby, I miss you too. Maybe I should plan a trip so I can help you get the nursery ready? Would that be okay?" She sounds excited and it makes me laugh. "Esme has been working so hard on Edward's nursery, and I'm feeling left out of the process. It would be good to do it together, don't you think?"

"Edward has a nursery?" I say it more to myself than to her.

"Of course he does, sweetheart. It's the only room in his new place with any furniture at all, from what Esme says. She's so happy to be helping, but she really is ready to come home." She chuckles and I am more confused than ever.

"What are you talking about, Mom? Is Esme staying at Edward's until she's finished decorating the nursery?" I ask.

"Bella, where else would she stay? It's not like she can go back and forth, for goodness sakes." She sounds like she's losing her patience with me, and I have no idea why.

"Why can't she go back and forth? Wait, Edward has a new place? He moved?" I ask.

"Bella, are you kidding? Yes, Edward has a new place and Phoenix is rather far for Esme to be able to come home and go to bed each night. That's just ridiculous!" Now Renee is laughing at me. "Isabella! What is the matter with you? You helped him find a house there, remember? Are you sure that you're okay? You're starting to scare me a little bit, should I call Esme and ask her to go check on you?"

"No! Don't call Esme. I'm fine, Mom, just tired. I'll call you tomorrow. Tell Daddy I love him. Goodnight." I hang the phone up before she can answer, and I feel badly for it, but I apparently have a lot to think about.

Edward went through with the move, and he is in Phoenix. Not only is he in Phoenix, but he is very close to me. _How long has he been here? Is he planning on getting in contact with me, or is he just going to lurk until I contact him?_ There is so much to think about, and I have no idea where to start. Part of me wants to go to him and apologize. Let the argument go and just move on with our lives, but the other part of me knows that may not be possible for us.

Edward and I can't seem to be in the same room for very long before a fight breaks out, and I'm just so tired of fighting. I'm tired of crying and tired of being angry with him. I just want to be able to raise a happy and healthy little girl, and the more I know of him, the more I think that it's impossible to do that together. I'm more than willing to sacrifice my own happiness, my own heart for my daughter's. I know Edward feels the same way.

I turn out the light in the nursery and make my way into my own room. I need to take a long, hot shower. I need to think and I need to make some important decisions. I undress and catch a glimpse of my naked body in the vanity mirror. I can hardly believe that I am looking at myself. I run my hands over my growing belly, and I can't help but smile. My baby is growing strong, and I know I will miss these little moments alone with her when I finally have to share her with the world.

"I love you so much, baby. I hope I'm doing the right thing." I say into the emptiness of the room and as if she can hear me. I feel a little kick against my hand. It reminds me that no matter how alone I might feel, I am never actually alone at all. I step under the warm spray and let the water wash away my tears.

After my shower, I decide to have simple supper of soup and bread. It's become my favorite meal, though I never liked it before the pregnancy. I set out my silverware and napkin and just as I settle into my seat, there is a soft knock at my door. My heat starts to beat fast because without even looking, I know who it is. I can feel him from the other side of the door. I'm sure my mother called Esme as soon as I hung up on her, and Edward would never miss the chance to come check on me.

I take a deep breath before I ask, "Who is it?"

"Bella? It's me, Edward." He sounds unsure of himself, and I can imagine him shifting from foot to foot.

"What do you want, Edward? I'm having supper and I'd like to eat in peace. If you came here to argue or interrogate me, can it wait until tomorrow or perhaps next year?" I say it loud enough for him to hear, but hopefully not loud enough for the neighbors to become aware.

"Bella, please, Renee called my mother. She sounded worried. I just came to make sure that you are alright. Can you let me in for a minute?" He sounds far away and knowing that he is here, makes me want to see him. I know it is a mistake, but I step back and open the door.

I feel his eyes rake over my body, presumably searching for anything that may be wrong with me. I realize too late hat I am standing there in my pajamas, and I feel my face warm with embarrassment. _I don't have a bra on._

"Um, Bells, are those my socks? And my boxers?" His smirk is beautiful, and I want to kiss him and slap him at the same time.

"Yes, Edward they are. The socks keep me warm and the boxers keep me cool. My inner thermostat is all screwy because of the baby. You can have them back if you want." I bend over in a attempt to take the socks off, but I lose my balance and his hands catch me before I topple over.

"Don't be silly, Bella. I just didn't know out had them, and I was caught off guard by how sexy you look. I definitely don't want them back if you look like that in them." His knuckles graze my cheek, and I can't catch the sigh that escapes my lips.

"Cut it out, Edward. I look fat and sexy isn't a word I'd use to describe this outfit. Do you want to stay for some soup or is Esme expecting you back soon?" I move to get another bowl out and to give myself some space from the sexy man that has moved into my dining room.

"I can stay for a bit, if you don't mind, and soup sounds good, but if I remember correctly, you hate soup. Didn't you say it was a waste of stomach space that can be taken up by extra dessert?" He laughs loudly and I can't help but join him.

"I did say that, and it's true! For some reason the baby really likes soup. I eat it a lot these days." I set the bowl and a glass of water down in front of him before taking my seat. "Sorry, I only have water. There isn't much else I can drink these days." I laugh at how ridiculous I sound, but a look crosses his face and I can't quite place it. It looks like sadness, regret maybe? "Water is great and the soup is delicious, but I was really hoping that we could talk. Things ended so badly last time, and I don't want it to stay strained between us." He looks at me with his sad moss colored eyes, and I almost feel sorry for him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in Phoenix, Edward? How long have you been living ten minutes from me without letting me know? And when were you going to tell me?" I set my spoon down and stare at him.

"You knew I was coming here. I got here later than I planned, when we first talked about it. I figured with the way you left, there was no rush." He looks up at me, and I can tell that he has so much more to say. "I've been here two weeks now, and Esme is here setting up a nursery for Sophia. I was going to call you as soon as she was finished."

I have to admit that it hurts to imagine Sophia having two separate nurseries, especially one being built without my input, but I guess that is the way it goes when you have a situation like ours. I can't help the few tears that slip down my cheeks before I can catch them. "I'm glad you have your mom here to help you. I'm sure the nursery will be lovely."

"Why are you crying, angel? I thought you'd be impressed that I'm prepared. I picked out most of the stuff myself and the things that Esme and Rosalie added are so adorable, I know you will love it." He moves to sit closer to me and tucks my hair behind my ear. I can tell that he isn't sure how to comfort me without crossing some sort of invisible line between us.

"I'm sure I will love it and I am impressed. It's just hard to imagine us doing things so separately that we need two nurseries. She's not even here yet and we are already dividing her time. I'm already a bad mother, Edward." I cry and let him rub my back.

"Shhhh. You are not a bad mother. We are doing the best that we can, baby. No one knows how to be parents; we just have to learn as we go along. It's not going to be easy, and we are going to really have to try and get our shit together, but Sophia is going to be fine. We love her and that is all that matters right now. Besides you can come and see the house and the nursery anytime that you want, Bella. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what Esme is doing over there." He smiles at me and I feel my heart beat a little bit faster.

"Really? I'd love to see it and Esme. I'm kind of lonely here..." I rub my belly to remind myself that I am not ever alone "...though I guess I'm not ever alone."

Before I even see him move, I am out of my chair and in his arms. "Bella, you are never, ever alone. You will always have me. I'm here for you always. I meant what I sad when you were in Forks with me. I want to be a part of everything, and I want to take care of you. Please let me, Bella. You shouldn't have to feel this way and if you do, you should tell me because it means that I am not doing my job." He sits back on the chair and pulls me into his lap. I know I should feel uncomfortable about it but I don't.

"Thank you, Edward. I'm really glad that you're here." I mean it but even as I say it, I'm scared, scared of letting him in again, scared of accepting that this is just the dynamic of my life now. He knows that I love him, and I know he loves me but maybe that isn't enough. Maybe we have to come to terms with the fact that we just cannot be together the way we want to. It feels awful to have these thoughts while I am in his arms. It's such a sharp contrast to the comfort I feel. We need to talk and decide what we are really going to do. Is the past going to haunt us forever or can we move on to the next phase of our life together and raise our daughter? I definitely never planned for this moment when I was climbing into the back seat with him all of those years ago. "Edward? We need to talk," I whisper with my eyes closed and my head on his shoulder.

"I know, angel. I know." His answer is quiet and lips are against my hair.

_I am finding out that maybe I was wrong_

_That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone_

_Stay with me, this is what I need, please?_

_I am nothing now and it's been so long_

_Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope_

_This time I will be listening._

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you_

_Please don't go now, please don't fade away_

_My heart, my heart is yours_

_**My Heart ~ Paramore** _

**BPOV**

The talk with Edward goes well. There are so many fears that it's no wonder we can't make it work. I spend days and weeks trying to make him see that he has been the only man in my heart, ever. He spends his time convincing me that even when I can't see him, he's there, that he needs me as much as I need him. It feels strange to know that we are in the same city, wanting the same thing, and we still can't make it work.

I have to give Edward credit, though. He is really trying. I find him at my door all hours of the day and night. He comes to change light bulbs, open jars, and rub my feet. He goes to doctor appointments and buys baby socks. I can't stand how cute he is when he calls with information from books on pregnancy. He's a doctor... reading pregnancy books... for me. He loves me and Sophia so, so much.

Tonight finds us on his sofa, with my feet in his lap. It had been over a month since our talk, and today was my last day at work. There was a going away party/baby shower complete with food, gifts, and Edward. The girls from my office gawked like I knew they would, and Edward waited on me hand and foot. After we left the office, we spent the day putting all of the gifts away.

I must have fallen asleep because I wake to Edward whispering love words to my belly. There is a silly little song about sweet, sweet Sophia and then he is quiet for a long while before I hear more soft words.

"I love your Mommy so much, sugar girl. I know that I never seem to do the right thing by her, but I really do love her more than my own life. I wanted to fix this before you got here, but it doesn't look so good. I'm so sorry for that," he whispers, rubbing calm circles into my skin.

I feel tears slipping from the corners of my eyes before I am even aware that I am crying. I listen to him talk for a little while longer before I can't take it anymore. "Edward, you know that I love you too, right? I mean you know that you aren't alone feeling like shit, right? I know I don't say it as much, and I'm not as affectionate as you are, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you just as much." I take a deep breath as a sob rips through me and pull him to lay next to me.

It takes a minute for us to get comfortable with my big belly between us, but eventually he settles in behind me with his arm across my stomach. "I hate that we are like this. I mean, why can't we just be normal and move in together and get married and live happily ever after? I know why. It's because we fucked up so bad in the beginning. I feel like we are being punished, and I feel like I don't deserve it, even though I know that I do."

"You do deserve it, and I don't even think that we are being punished. I just think that we have a lot of work ahead of us, but we''ll get there, baby. As long as we both want this and we always keep in mind that at the root of it all we love each other, we'll get there."

"I actually believe you, Edward; I just want to be there now." I lace my fingers together with his and hold them over my heart. "I want _us_ now... I want _you_ now."

"You have me, angel. I'm right here," he says and turns my face so that he can kiss me. It's hard and needy. I think back to the last time I had his lips on mine, and I know how much I missed this, how much I missed him.

Things escalate quickly and before I know it, I am naked and panting. His lips are insistent and leave warm tingles in their wake. I'm all fire and want before him, only slightly embarrassed that I look different. I try to turn myself so that he is looking at me from a different angle.

"Don't hide from me, Miss Swan. It's been too long since I've seen your amazing body." His hands glide over my hips and rest on my rib cage. I know he can feel my heart banging in my chest. He does this to me. He has always done this to me.

"Look at you, baby. You are so fucking gorgeous." His hands move to my stomach. "I didn't think it would be possible for me to want you more than I always have, but now... God, Bella, I need you."

"You have me, Edward." I move one of his hands to rest over my heart again. "Can't you feel it? I've never felt like this with anyone else. You have me, don't doubt that."

He doesn't answer me and before I have time to wonder why, he is up on his feet and lifting me into his arms.

"Stop, Edward you are going to hurt yourself! You can't carry me up those stairs!" I laugh as he easily makes his way to his bedroom and lays me down gently on his bed.

"You are so silly, Bella. There is no way I was letting you out of my arms long enough for you to waddle up the stairs!" He giggles against my neck.

"That's not funny! The nakedness is the cause of the waddling!" I laugh and run my fingers through his hair. "Well, not the nakedness alone, but the nakedness mixed with all of your sexiness did the job." His laugh is carefree and it makes me smile.

I watch intently as he strips off his clothes. When he finally lays down next to me, his fingers ghost over my skin and his lips touch every inch of me they can reach. I know that our relationship isn't healthy and that we probably shouldn't be here like this, I just can't bring myself to care. Lying here, naked beneath him, makes all the caution I carry fade away. I tug on his hair until his mouth is on mine, and I pour all of the emotion I feel into a needy kiss.

"Edward, we can't keep doing this." _Kiss._ "The making up is fantastic." _Kiss._ "But the breaking up is hell." _Kiss._ "No more breaking up, angel. No more walking away and no more shutting down. Just you and I together from here out. We will take care of each other and Sophia. All you have to do is say _yes." Kiss._ "Say yes, angel." _Kiss._

"What am I saying yes to, Edward?" I hold him against me, feeling every part of him pressed against every part of me.

Edward reaches down and nudges my thighs open. He settles his body between them. We both sigh with contentment when he rubs against me in the perfect spot. "You're saying yes to everything! Not only the love and the baby, but you're saying yes the home and eventually the marriage, too. I want it all with you. Say yes, Bella. Let me love you. Say yes."

He rubs against me again, sliding his length through my arousal, coaxing a moan from my lips. My eyes flutter closed and I just feel. I feel his weight on top of me. I feel his breath fan out against my face. I feel his skin under my fingertips. I love it all, every second of it.

"Yes, Edward. Yes to all of it. I want it all with you." As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know that I mean them. I know that I have always wanted this and that this is exactly where I was meant to end up.

"God, I love you, Bella." Edward says before he slides into me. He fills me slowly, like he is savoring every second. I can feel every inch of him, and my heart feels like it is going to beat right out of my chest. I feel amazing. I feel happy. I feel loved. In this moment, nothing else matters.

_Maybe I know, somewhere deep in my soul_

_That love never lasts_

_And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face_

_And I've always lived like this..._

_Keeping a comfortable distance, and up until now I had sworn to myself_

_that I'm content with loneliness_

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

_But you are the only exception_

_**You are the Only Exception ~ Paramore** _


	5. Perfect For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... here it is... the last part of Second Chances. I have had so much fun with these two, and with all of you along the way. Every part of this story has been donated to a charity before being posted here, and that makes it very special to me. I'm not saying there will never be an epilogue or a future take, but I am saying that their story is told. Thank you to Max for her guidance and love. To Jaime, Phoebe, Byrd, Britta, Lynsey, Irene, and CherryHillz... you girls are the best! You make me feel like a better writer than I am and I love you for it!

__

_Even after all this time, nothing else I'll ever find_

_In this whole wide world can shake me like you do_

_In truth there's something so sublime_

_that there aren't words yet to describe_

_The beauty of this life I've made with you_

**_Perfect for Me - Ron Pope_ **

**BPOV**

"Edward." I shake his shoulder and try not to scare him because I know I'm about to freak him all the way out. "Edward it's time."

"Bella? I'm up. What's wrong? What's going on? Are you okay?" He rubs the sleep from his eyes, and his hands immediately land on my huge belly. I'm not sure what he feels there, but he is out of the bed before I can answer him.

"How far apart are the contractions, love? Are you in pain?" He's frantic, pulling clothes on and stuffing things in his workout bag. "Edward, calm down. I'm fine but my water broke. I'm not sure how far apart the contractions are, but I'm not in much pain yet." I reach my arms out to him and wait for him to come back to me.

I'm really not in much pain yet, just a little uncomfortable. I think it's more my anxiety than anything else. I'm trying to stay calm so he'll stay calm because I'm going to need him calm when I start to freak out.

"Help me up," I say as he pulls me up from my spot on the bed. "You strip the bed and then join me in the shower. Our last shower in a baby-less house." I smile at him and squeeze him as tight as my belly allows.

I undress and start the shower. I have to admit I'm slightly terrified right now. I know that this is supposed to happen and I've been preparing for this day the entire nine months. I also know I have the added bonus of being engaged to a doctor, but I'm still scared.

I let the warm water run down my body and feel slightly more relaxed. The baby likes the water and is usually very active while I shower. Today, though, she's still, like she can sense today is the big day and she needs to get some rest.

I run my hands over my stomach and feel it harden just as I feel what I assume is a contraction. "Ugh. This is not going to be fun for me at all," I say out loud to myself.

"It's really not, baby, and I'm so sorry about that," Edward answers me as he opens the shower door and scares the crap out of me.

"I'm not sure I can do this, Edward. What if I can't?" I lean against his chest.

"You are the strongest person I know, and you are going to do just great. I won't lie and say that it's going to be easy, but I have so much faith in you, Bella. You can do anything." He wraps me in his arms and lets me rest against his chest.

"I know it isn't going to be easy going, Edward. I'm not an idiot. Just promise me you won't let me like die or anything," I say, only half sarcastic.

His laugh is loud, and it helps me to relax just a little bit. "I promise that I'm not going to let you die, angel. I will be there every step of the way and you will not die. Cross my heart." His hand wiggles between us and actually crosses his heart.

He proceeds to wash my body gently and rubs my back when I have to breathe through my contractions. I rest my foot on his knee when he squats down to shave my legs. Tears slip from my eyes from a combination of pain and the love I feel radiating from him. Edward loves me, I cannot deny that, but seeing it, feeling it now when I am so raw and needy, means so much to me.

Once the water is turned off, I step out and let him dry my skin. My brain is on overload, and I can't seem to move for even the basic things. I hold onto his shoulders and step into my panties when it's time, and then I just stand there and stare at him.

"Baby, you have to snap out of it. If you just continue to focus on the pain, it's only going to get worse. I know I can't sympathize with your pain, but I can tell you that this is only the beginning."

"Thank you for your professional opinion, Dr. Cullen, but I'm well aware this is only the beginning. I also know that you have never pushed a human being out of your vagina, so excuse me if I'm having a hard time _not_ focusing on the pain." I stomp away from him, only to have to stop for another contraction.

"Edward, do something," I whine as my tears start to fall again. "Tell me what to do."

"Baby, we're going to get you dressed, and then we're going to head to the hospital. You are doing great, I swear, but I think we'll both feel better once we're there and settled. The doctor will check you and Sophia out, and we'll be all set to meet our daughter, okay?" His voice is strong and soothing. He never loses his temper, even though I can tell that my pain is troubling him.

I let him dress me and then lead me down stairs and out of the house. He's carrying the bags, and I am walking ahead of him. He kisses my forehead before he closes my door.

The drive to the hospital is quiet, and I can feel his own anxiety level is slowly rising. When I reach over to link or fingers together, I hear him let out a breath that he's been holding.

"In case I forget to tell you later, thank you for taking such good care of me. I love you, E." I lay my head on his shoulder and smile as he says, " _I love you, too."_

**_~SC~_ **

It takes us longer than I expect to get registered at the hospital and seems today is a popular day to have a baby. The maternity ward is bustling with activity when we exit the elevator. I look at Edward and see him go into doctor mode. He's asking questions and checking monitors, and I know this is going to be a really long day.

Once I'm finally hooked up to the necessary machines and settled in my bed, I decide I need to rein Edward in. "Baby, can you come over here and sit with me, please?"

"Just give me one more minute, Bells. I'll be right there," he says without even a glance in my direction. He's scaring another nurse, and I'm afraid there will be no one left to assist me when I need it.

When he's finally seated in the chair next to my bed, I grab his hand to keep him there. "I need you to be my fiancé right now, Edward. I need you to sit here and hold my hand, or feed me ice chips, whatever it is guys do in this situation. And I don't mean doctor guys. I mean regular guys. Please, I'm so scared." I feel the tears coming and I know that there will be no stopping them once they start.

"Of course I'll be right here. You don't need to be scared, angel. I won't let anything happen to you or Sophia. We are going to do this together, and you are going to be fine." He leans forward and kisses my forehead softly. I feel some of the tension I'm carrying melt away.

The hours pass like minutes and the pain just keeps getting worse. I know this is what's supposed to happen, but I never imagined this is what it would actually feel like. Edward is rubbing my back and trying to talk me through the contractions. After awhile it starts to be too much. I'm completely overwhelmed and I'm not sure what to do about it.

"Stop!" I shout louder than I intend to, batting at the hands that are making a circuit up and down my back. "Please, just stop. I need for you to not touch me or talk to me right now."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I feel helpless! I don't know what to do." He's talking to me like I'm a child, and it's making me want to hit him.

"Do what I ask. Leave me alone for a while. I just need peace and quiet. It's already too much for me, and you are adding stress right now, not relieving it." I breathe through another contraction and hold on to the bed rail for dear life. Once the pain begins to subside, I look up at Edward and see that my words have broken him.

"Edward, I'm sorry. There just isn't an easier way for me to explain to you what I'm going through right now. Every noise, every touch puts me that much more on edge. It's like sensation overload, baby. I can't handle it. I swear I'm not trying to hurt you, or push you away. I love you, you know that, right?"

"I know, angel. It's just hard to see you in so much pain and know there's nothing I can do about it. I'm a doctor. I'm supposed to be able to fix it, and I definitely don't like to hear I'm making it worse. I want to help you, even if that means that I have to sit back and leave you alone." His smile is sad but his eyes are sincere.

As we sit in comfortable silence, nurses are in and out of my room and I get poked and prodded a bunch more times before my doctor finally shows up and asks if I want an epidural. I had originally decided I didn't want one, but at this point I am so tired and uncomfortable, I can't imagine continuing on like this.

Edward is back in doctor mode and discussing options I'm too tired to even concentrate on.

"Babe, you said you didn't want to use the drugs, but maybe we should rethink that decision. It will help you relax so you can rest. I'm not sure you will make it through the entire labor if you don't rest." He is directly in front of my face with his concerned eyes and furrowed brow.

"You won't think I'm weak if I ask for them now? I mean I think you're right. I think I need it. I need the epidural... I need to rest." I reach for his hand and hope that he can understand how tired I am.

"You're worried that I'll think you're weak? Bella, I could never think that you're weak. You're strong, and you're going to be even stronger after you rest. Take the epidural, love. You'll be fine and the more relaxed you are, the better the environment will be for Sophia." Edward's words make me feel better. They make me believe that I can do this, that I will do this.

"Okay. Give me the epidural. I need to rest." I look at Dr. Cragen and smile for the first time in a long time.

"I'll just go get the paperwork for you, Isabella. We should have you resting comfortably in about an hour."

The doctor walks out of the room just as another contraction hits, and I'm back to hugging the bed rail.

The doctor is poking me, and Edward is pulling me, and I am ready to meet my daughter. I sit up as best I can and listen to Dr. Cragen give me instructions on how to push out a baby. I start laughing because all I can think is, " _How do you know?"_ I mean when was the last time he gave birth?

Edward is not amused when I start to ask my questions out loud.

"Bella, this is his job. He has studied for years; it's irrelevant that he's never given birth." This explanation made me laugh even louder.

"Of course it is relevant, Edward! I think since I'm the one with the human being coming out of my body, I should be in charge. And if I am in charge, I need you two to be quiet. Just let me do this my way. Unless I am doing something that will hurt me or the baby, I don't want to hear anything. Got it?"

With a long sigh, Edward relents and gives me a little space. I position myself so I'm sitting up and comfortable, then look to my doctor for a sign that I can start pushing. The idea scares the shit out of me. I can't even begin to imagine what it's going to feel like or how I'll be able to get through the entire process. I know it has to get done, and I know I'm the one that has to do it, and it is with that though in my head that I bear down with all of my might.

The sensations that take over are indescribable. I've never felt anything like it. I feel totally in control and totally out of control at the same time.

"This is so weird," I say in between pushes. "How is this so weird?"

"You are doing great, Bella. Do you want a mirror? Would you like to watch?" Dr. Cragen must have lost his damn mind.

"Hell no, doc. Don't you dare show me what's going on down there!" I start to panic, and I look for Edward.

"Edward, I don't want to look! And I don't want you to look. Promise me you won't look, babe." I'm clutching his hand, and he is trying hard not to laugh. _Bastard._

"Calm down, love. You don't have to look if you don't want to, and I'm right here. I'm not going down there to look because I'm not going to leave your side." I feel his lips on my sweaty forehead, and I don't have the strength to care.

My doctor limits his talking to telling me when to push and words of encouragement. I think my outburst may have scared him. Before long, I hear him tell me to stop pushing and I feel Edward's arms wrap around my shoulders.

"Her head is out, Bella. Let me clean out her airway before you deliver her shoulders, okay?" I know it was a question, but all I can do is nod.

My breaths are coming out like fast, harsh panting. The pressure is almost unbearable and my body is trying to get the baby out. I can feel the doctor working down there, and as soon as he gives me the signal, I put all of my strength behind my final push.

"The shoulders are out, Bella! Reach down and pull her out!" With those words from Dr. Cragen I move without thinking. I slip my hands under Sophia's arms and I pull her up onto my chest. I look down at her and I start to laugh. She is scowling at me and covered in goo, but she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

"She's perfect, Edward, can you see her?" I look up and find my beautiful man with tears falling from his eyes.

"I see her, angel. She is perfect, just like her mother." He leans down and kisses her forehead just as a nurse comes over to take her to be weighed and measured, poked and prodded.

I can't believe I did it. I brought the most beautiful baby girl into the world, and I am still alive. Just like that, my pregnancy has ended and my new life has begun. I am someone's mother now. I am responsible for another human life. I can hardly wrap my head around it.

"Are you okay, Bella? Do you need anything?" Edward is looking at me with wide eyes, but his body is angled toward where our daughter is lying.

"I'm fine, go ahead and be with her." I push him away from me. "Go be a good daddy." I watch as he makes his way over to Sophia, who is not enjoying her first examination. I can hear her crying, and it makes me smile.

I'm not thrilled when my doctor makes me get up and walk to the restroom, but he says it has to be done before he can let me rest for the night. Once he is satisfied with my progress, I slowly walk back to my bed, and find Edward rocking a now calm Sophia. He looks like he's holding heaven in his arms, and she couldn't be more smitten. Her eyes are wide open and she is concentrating on his face.

"She is very smart," he says, his gaze never leaving her face. "I can tell she is going to be just like her mother, brilliant and funny and inquisitive. She is going to rule the world one day, angel."

"Maybe her intelligence comes from you, Edward. You are the doctor in the family." I smile at him and reach out to touch her hair. "I hope she gets your brains, babe… and your hair."

"Seriously, you want to curse her with a lifetime of unruly, oddly colored hair? She's just an innocent baby, don't do that to her." I snuggle into his side and we laugh.

The feeling of love is overwhelming. I can't imagine how I ever doubted what we were capable of. This moment is perfect, and I hope that I never forget it. I want this feeling forever. As if on cue, just to prove that this is real life, Sophia starts to wail.

"You're up, Mommy." Edward places the baby in my arms so I can make my first attempt at nursing. I'm as nervous as I have ever been, but the minute that my daughter latches on to me, I am blown away. It hurts like a son of a bitch to have her suckling at my tender breast, but the fact that we are actually doing it without help excites me. I lean my head on Edward's shoulder and I sigh contentedly.

"See what I said? You're amazing. Look at you. You are a natural." His lips brush the top of my head, and his arm tightens around my shoulder. "I love you, Bella, so much. Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, buddy. We've only had her for an hour; I could still screw this up." My fingers stroke the silky soft skin of my daughter's cheek, and I pray to God and any other deity who might be listening that I don't screw this up.

Two days later the doctor tells us that we can take the baby home. Now, most people probably cannot wait to leave the hospital, to take their baby home and start their new lives. Not me. Nope, I am so scared to do this parenting thing without the supervision of a trained medical professional, I would much rather just live in the hospital until she goes to kindergarten.

"You know what I do for a living, right? I am a doctor, a rather respected one actually." I'm sitting in a wheelchair with a sleeping Sophia in my arms, and Edward is trying his very best to get me out to the car.

"I know, Edward, but this is _the hospital_. There are a lot of doctors here, nurses too. They are just roaming around here waiting for someone to help. If I need help, I would really appreciate all the extra hands. Is that such a terrible thing?" I know that I sound crazy, but damn it, I just gave birth and it's freaking me out.

Edward kneels on the ground in front of me and looks into my eyes. His hand rests on Sophia's back, and I can feel all the love that he has for his baby. "Bella, please, I would die before I let something happen to you or our baby. I swear to God we are going to be fine. Let me take you home." The sincerity in his eyes made me smile.

"Okay, take me home, Edward." And he does.

**~SC~**

The first few days home are rough. There's no sleeping, except when Sophia is sleeping, and definitely no showering. We are kind of miserable to be honest. Every time we think we've found a rhythm, our daughter switches things up on us. I can see Edward's sanity is wearing thin. I don't know how to help him, but I know I'm going to try until we figure it out.

"Hey, babe, do you want to get out of here for a few hours? Let me take care of the munchkin so you can go see a movie or something?" I say from my perch in the window seat of the nursery.

"What? Why would I do that? Do you want some time alone?" He sticks his head in the door and has a scowl on his beautiful face. "I can keep her so you can go out if you want."

I sigh because I know that there will be no winning if this turns into an argument. He already looks hurt and the lack of sleep is not helping to balance our emotions.

"No, I just thought that maybe you could use some fresh air. There's no need for us both to be cooped up here. It's not a big deal; I would go if I didn't have a tiny gorgeous human attached to my boob." I laughed and kissed Sophia's forehead.

He comes to sit on the floor in front of me and kisses the bottom of our baby's tiny foot. Between the two of us, we can't keep our lips off of her. "I'll tell you what. I'm going to go rent us some movies from that Red Box you love so much and pick up some ice cream. Then I'm going to come home and snuggle up with my two favorite girls. How does that sound?"

"It actually sounds pretty perfect if it's a funny movie and Chunky Monkey?" I bat my lashes at him because I know he wants strawberry ice cream; it's always strawberry with him.

"Anything you want, pretty girl. I'll be back soon." He kisses me before he leaves the room. I hear the alarm system beep as it activates, and I smile knowing that he is taking care of us even when he is not here.

The night turns out to be a great one, filled with laughs and sweet, sticky goodness that can only be provided by Ben & Jerry's. I love the moments that we spend just being together, lounging on the sofa and smiling at Sophia's soft sounds. I'd have no objection to spending the rest of my nights just like this one. It feels like heaven.

I imagine us sitting just like this for years to come, nights full of squeals and laughter when our daughter has sleepovers and later down the road when Edward will sit up waiting for her to come home from her first date. The thoughts of us really making it work and getting a second chance at forever are never far from my mind. I dream of happiness with Edward, and I crave his smiles every minute of the day.

I know that I don't have any right to ask God to have mercy on my new little family, but I do anyway. I pray for happiness and for health. I pray that my Sophia will sleep through the night and that I might get to have a shower before next week. _You know… the important stuff._ I love that we are slowly finding a routine. A lovely system where I care for Sophia and Edward cares for me. My tea is always sitting on the table next to the rocking chair in the nursery. The dinner dishes are always washed and put away when I get up to make breakfast in the morning. He does everything he can to make my life easier, and I do everything I can to show him how much I love and appreciate him.

The little things that we have started doing make me feel like we are a team, like we are on the same side and we are fighting for the same cause. I never feel alone anymore, and the sadness that had once dictated my existence is nowhere to be found. I don't know if I credit that change to Edward or to Sophia. Though I guess that any way you look at it, it all comes back to him. We certainly aren't perfect, no one is really, but I have come to realize that I am perfect for Edward and Edward is perfect for me.

* * *

 **A/N:** I am so proud to be a part of the Leukemia  & Lymphoma Society compilation for the second year in a row. This is a cause that is very close to my heart. As always I would like to thank Maxipoo for making my words pretty and Jaime Arkin for the beautiful banner. I appreciate you guys more than you will ever know. Also, thanks to all who contributed to this very worthy cause. Every little bit helps.


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